No Escape(Jason McCann Fan fiction)

Trigger

okay so I didn't expect this chapter to take the turn it does but it has some things that can trigger people. There is cutting,depression and thoughts of suicide.

The cold metal feel of the gun soothes me. It's such a comforting feel. I've been shooting since I was five almost six. One of the first of many things that my father has taught me. I'm going to be 13 soon now. I am learning how the family business works.

"Hey Sophía you want to go out with me and the guys? " I ask. She looks up at me from her book and nods her head no.

"Oh come on Soph you can learn something-" I say before she rudely interrupts me.

"Learn what Tez how to extort money? Or how to shoot someone? Maybe even how to hide a dead body?" She snaps.

"Damn Sophía you don't have to be rude." I say before slamming her door.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I feel guilty for snapping at Cortez I love my big brother and will do anything for him. I used to love hanging out with him. My brother was my world when I was little. When we were little. Now he's just a memory. He's not the happy cheerful Cortez. Yes I know how people change as they get older. His change was to much. He probably doesn't even think about our mother. I look like her a lot. I wonder where she is.

Probably with the guy she ran off with. Leaving Cortez and I with a man we barely knew. I don't understand how she could do that. She loved Cortez and I. Did everything for us.

Why would she just leave us. I hate myself. Maybe I wasn't good enough for my mom. She probably has another little girl now. That she loves and gives her full affection and attention too. Jason tries to get along with me and we do now. He's my dad know matter what I'll always have some type of love for him.

When I realized why my mom had left and how she's probably happy without Cortez and I, my relationship with my dad strengthened. Not as close as his and Cortez but it's a good relationship.

Even though he tells me that he loves both me and Cortez the same. I still feel that I'm not good enough. That I'll never be able to run the business like Cortez is. I'll never be able to sell women and get money off of it since I'm a girl.

A tear falls from my eye and onto my long sleeve black shirt. I slowly lift my shirt sleeve to reveal my arm. The marks from the last time I cut myself are starting to heal. Cutting is bad. I hate that I do it. Just something about it helps me.

The feel of the blade opening my skin soothes me, but only for a few seconds. After the euforia is over I hate myself even more. I would go to see my school counselor to talk to about how I feel, but I can not. I would have to make up lies about my family life and that would just worsen the pain.

I wish I had a normal life. One where I don't have to lie about my family life. One where I'm not feared by my peers since they are scared of my brother and father. I want to experience everyday struggles that most people go through. Financial issues, breakups, friendships, and family.

I do have family but it's not complete me and my dad don't have the best of father daughter bonds. My mom walked out on the family for some other guy.

I do have a bunch of uncles though. They are all super overprotective of me. I'm used to it though my whole life as long as I can remember my brother and uncles have been keeping me safe. As safe as they can keep me. They can't protect me from the world. The world is a cruel place and nothing can change that.

Some of this chapter was hard for me to reread since when I wrote it I was in a very bad place. Very dark and depressing place. I'm doing better now. Can't say the same for Sophía