Bonnie and Clyde

Chapter Twenty Five: Dented

I shouldn't have stayed.  Not because this wasn't nice, having Bonnie curled up with me, warm and cozy with the wind howling outside.   It might have been the highlight of my week, even.  Not that this week was shaping up to be anything worth getting excited over, but, still.

Sleep, she'd said, in here.

Sleep.  Sure.  I only never sleep when I'm tired as shit.  And, tonight I was tired as shit.  I might have tossed and turned for what was left of the night, except that I had her curled up in my arms, and I didn't want to wake her.

So, I lay still, but my mind was wired, thoughts chasing each other round and round in my head.  R rated thoughts she'd put there when she'd asked me to stay and distract her from the shit in her own mind.

It was getting easier to be able to make out her outline, the sun creeping up though the dark, through the curtains into the room.  Her ribs beneath my hand expanded and contracted, deep and even, fast asleep, and I took a moment to just lay there and feel her beneath my fingers, calm and wild, tiny, vulnerable but vicious and so, so beautiful.

Can you distract me from the hurt?

Her words echoed through me, haunting and heavy, but there was nothing vulnerable about her when she'd asked.  She'd wanted me to be her distraction, something to make her forget that she was all alone.  What better way to forget that you were alone than to give yourself away to someone?

And I'd turned her down, denied her something I'd normally give so freely.  All because, for the first time in a fucking long time, she made me feel like I had someone.

The attachment went beyond simple infatuation.  When that monster had finally stripped off my brother's mask, he'd shown himself for what he truly was.  He'd made me make an impossible decision; her, or him.

And I'd chosen her

I traded my twisted, selfish, murderous brother for her, and, now, she was all there was.

So what if I was breaking my own number one rule of life?  So what if I was letting myself get attached?  The whole point of keeping only a small circle was to try and avoid getting fucked over, and even then, the one guy who I thought had my back ended up going and doing exactly that.

So, fuck the rules.  I was chosing Bonnie over Jordan, my own brother, and I fucking stood by my decision.  It's not like he'd given me much of a choice.

The arm I had around Bonnie had started losing its feeling, but, when I shifted to try and free it, get the blood flowing to my fingertips, she murmured something and I froze.  She settled again, and carefully, I untangled myself from her and climbed out of the bed, leaving her to sleep in peace.

Dana was up, and obviously hadn't expected me up this early, as well.  She turned just as I leaned my shoulder in the doorway of the kitchen and clapped a hand over her mouth, stifling the scream that almost escaped.

"Jesus, Mikey!"

She glared at me and I couldn't help but smirk at her expression.  She looked pissed off, to say the least, the same as anytime I jumped out at her, as a kid.  I was way past that phase, but I could never help the sense of satisfaction I felt when I managed to catch her out, like just now.

"Where'd you come from?" She demanded, managing a sheepish smile.  "Shouldn't you still be asleep?"

"Probably," I answered, shrugging to fill in the rest.

"A lot on your mind?"  She guessed, smiling sympathetically, the special smile that warmed you to the core.

I shrugged again, but made no comment, moving further into the kitchen as she filled the kettle, our usual morning ritual; coffee first, then conversation.