The Moretti Boys

Zoloft and The Loveless World - Tristan

                  

Tristan

Zoloft.  I read the small bottle for the hundredth time as I stare down at the pile of blue-ish pills. I can only take one, but I wish I could take all of them. Then maybe the fear and the shakes would stop. Even as I think this I cringe in disgust as I put one pill in my mouth and swallow it. Side effects may include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea, decreased sex drive, and nervousness.

I'm already nervous, I don't need fifty milligrams of a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor to add to that.

As I shove the pills each back into the bottle I stare at three words. Decreased sex drive. Turning I walk out of the bedroom I'm sharing with Sebastian and down the stairs where breakfast has already started. Is that why I'm seventeen and have never been or wanted to be in any kind of relationship? I've never even had the urge to touch myself. Every human being I see just looks like another animal to me, a fact of life that can't be ignored. As I walk down the last few steps I feel a presence behind me.

Except him of course.

Why does he always follow me like that?

What did I do?

Is he angry at me?

I speed up a little until I enter the kitchen where Sebastian is once again glaring at Marcello, probably for saying something perverted. Again.

The parentals are outside with the newly engaged couple eating at one of our tables by the pool. Dad got sick of hearing Marcello and Sebastian argue it seems.

I don't blame him.

Quickly I take a seat pretending not to be nervous as the large man sits down beside me. I reluctantly open my mouth to ask Sebastian to pass the orange juice but before I can say anything Leo is already pouring it for me. I watch unsurely as the liquid fills the glass. Great now I'm going to have to thank him. Anxiety fills me as he sets the pitcher down and I practically have to pry my lips open with my tongue to speak. "Thank you." I whisper and he says nothing just continues to place the platters of food around me. I fill my plate with bacon quietly as the others talk around us.

"Would you stop fucking staring at me please?" Sebastian growls throwing his fork down on his plate angrily. Marcello who is sitting next to him just smirks.

"Would you stop fucking giving me a boner please?" I feel a flush rise to my cheeks at the words but I know it doesn't show on my face. Even if it did no one would notice, I'm like the wallpaper of a room; always there but never relevant. I glance up at Mason who is sitting silently next to Sebastian his gaze glaring into the tablecloth. I've never seen him look so bothered. Gabriele who is sitting beside him with his arm slung casually over the back of his chair is staring a hole into the back of his neck.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only normal one.

But then I realize that they all have emotions.

So it's probably me who isn't normal. I can't even feel attracted to another person so at least Marcello is a step ahead of me in the game.

"Stop talking like that around my little brother!" Sebastian snaps back glancing at me. I think it's more about his embarrassment at being sexualized by a man in front of other men than what my ears are exposed to though.

Marcello scoffs at him and looks directly at me. Immediately uncomfortable with the attention I peek down at my plate shoving food across it aimlessly. "He's fine. He's the same age as Gabriele it's not like he hasn't had a boner for someone before. It's completely normal huh kid? This isn't anything new for you."