The Weight of The World ｡ Peter Parker [1]

18 - Halloween

I shook my head again. "I'm fine, actually. I don't think I'll stick around all that long anyway..." I let the sentence drop and both girls exchanged a look with each other. I could feel them worrying and tonight, they had every reason to.

Mary Jane knelt in front of me, her costume rustling with the sudden movement. "If you feel...bad," Her choice of words were terrible but I let her go on. "We can leave, alright? I know you don't like Halloween with everything that's happened. I just don't want you being alone again tonight. Not like last year."

"Alright." I gave her a weak nod, feeling that familiar hole in my chest continue to grow. My parents were at work as usual, keeping busy. I figured maybe being with my friends and keeping busy, this night might not be so bad. I was wrong. 

***

There were a few more faces at Harry's party than we had originally assumed. His whole penthouse was filled with kids from our school and what appeared to be kids from his old private schools. As we made our way up his fancy marble stairs, I tugged at my sweater, hoping I could do this tonight. Gwen's hand was firmly in my own as we stepped through the double doors and blended in with the sea of pirates and cheerleaders. "This place is massive," Mary Jane was saying next to me, her eyes taking in the high ceiling and polished silverware perched on wooden tables which looked like antiques. "How are we even going to find the boys in this place?" Music was blaring from speakers, bodies being pressed against me as we weaved through what seemed to be the makeshift dance floor. I pushed down the urge to push these idiots out of my way and to run to the nearest exit but with Gwen's warm hand in my own, I didn't.

We found Harry and Peter in the kitchen, the music almost a distant echo since his apartment was overly sized for two people. Harry was making drinks on the bar, looking like a rich brat with too much experience with mixing drinks. He smiled as he saw us, tilting his black hat down at us. He was dressed as an old school gagster in a pinstripe tuxedo. "We didn't think you three were even going to make it. Drinks?"

Mary Jane and Gwen took the drinks without question. When he handed the glass over to me, I took it but didn't drink it. His eyes skimmed my outfit and I knew the floodgates of cocky comments were coming. But strangely, he just gave me a wink and didn't utter a single comment about my lack of costume.

I spotted Peter resting against the bench, a few feet away. He had on simple white shirt and a black vest with a small black pistol strapped to his belt. I couldn't help but smile as I slipped in next him. "Han Solo, huh?"

Peter only nodded, glancing down at his own drink in his hand. I felt the tension building, just like yesterday when I had stopped by his apartment. "How are you?" He asked quietly, his eyes rising to meet my own. I saw it in his eyes, the worry. My insides kept on swirling around, making me light headed.

"Please don't ask me that," I uttered out, shifting my weight against the bench. Mary Jane, Gwen and even Harry had the good sense not to ask that question tonight. "Not tonight, Parker. not...tonight."

He didn't look away from me, didn't break that connection. I thought he had been maybe oblivious to not ask that question on a night like tonight, that maybe he simply didn't care what this night meant to me. But the way he was looking at me, I realised it was quite the opposite. "I'm sorry." He simply replied.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I wanted to ask how he was doing. I wanted to tell him that my insides were crumbling, that my empty stomach kept on heaving. I wanted to tell him that I hated Halloween with everything inside me. I wanted to tell him I wished it had been me that had died and not Colton. I wanted to tell him that for this one month, for this one night my world broke every year. I wanted to tell him that I understood what he was going through with Uncle Ben. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't to blame. I wanted to tell him everything I had that afternoon again, because those words needed to be spoken out loud, over and over until you actually believed them in your heart. I wanted to take his hand and hold it. But I didn't. I didn't do anything but place a fake smile on my face and pretend everything was alright. Not just for my own sake, my own sanity but for the people that loved me.