Underthink

Chapter Sixty Three // Roses

"I'll let you guys talk okay?" She said when we heard James walking up the stairs, I nodded and wiped my eyes quickly. I feel so bad for James because he has to deal with me being so sad all of the time, I know I have a huge reason to be right now but I'm always going to be depressed and overly anxious. I don't want to tire him out.

"Soph?" James said while sighing when he saw the state I was in, I hadn't even got dressed yet and we were leaving really soon. He took my hand and helped me up off the floor, we hugged tightly for a few minutes before James began rummaging through my wardrobe.

"What're you wearing? I'll help you" He asked, I rolled my eyes and watched him struggle through my clothes.

"Blue skirt, black top" I told him while pointing to them in the wardrobe, he nodded and lifted them out for me. I got changed quickly and then James decided to brush my hair for me.

"You don't need to do this" I laughed as he tried to untangle the knots.

"Oh but I want to"

After ten minutes of getting dressed and having my own personal hairdresser I was ready and feeling a little bit better, James took my hand and we headed downstairs to join my mum and Iris to head to the church.

Dale and Leila stood outside James' house in matching outfits. They looked like they were going to a prom.

"We're waiting for our taxi, see you guys at the church!" Leila shouted as we got into my mums car, they waved to us as we drove out of the street.

"We're going to be at the church earlier than everyone else, even Rae's family" Mum said while driving, I shrugged my shoulders and listened to Iris' phone vibrate continuously in the back seat. I looked back to see James also staring across at her in confusion, she rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Are you kidding me Iris? You still haven't replied?" I asked in anger, she looked at me with a straight face.

"I don't think this is the right place to be talking about my phone.. difficulties" She said while signalling to my mum in the front seat, I nodded and sat properly in my chair again.

When we arrived at the church it was empty like my mum said, there were a few cars parked out front but they were family only. Mum found a perfect spot and we all exited the car, Dale and Leila had arrived already and were standing outside the church with somebody.

"Elise!" Iris shouted while running across the road and hugging her, I froze in fear and watched them talking. James stared at me weirdly and then tapped my shoulder.

"Sophia?" He whispered, I looked up at him and smiled. Elise, the girl Rae was completely in love with. How am I suppose to talk to her without getting upset? She is the only person Rae was excited to see or speak to, she really loved her. James took my hand and we joined the group, Leila, Dale, Iris and Elise standing together in a circle.

"Elise, this is Sophia and James" Dale introduced us to her, she looked at me and smiled. I smiled back at her before giving her a hug. It was definitely needed.

"It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard too much about you" I said to Elise while hugging her tightly, she nodded.

"Me too" Elise answered, I pulled away from her and smiled again. Everyone else began to talk together, me and Elise stayed together.

"Do you want to go for a walk? The service doesn't start for a while" I asked Elise, she nodded and we said goodbye to everyone. I wasn't sure where we could go because I didn't know the area we were in but I'm sure we would find our way.

- James' POV -

As Leila, Dale and Iris joked about to make each other feel a little bit better I was sure that there was somebody watching us. I looked around at the empty street surrounding the church until I noticed Louise standing across the road. She was dressed in black and was holding a bunch of roses, she looked like she had been crying.

I crossed the road and approached her to see her baby bump was even bigger than before, I smiled widely at her.

"Hey, I thought I should drop these flowers off" Louise said while staring at them, I nodded and looked back at my friends who were pretending to be happy.

"And you decided to keep the baby? That's great Louise" I said happily, she smiled.

"My mum isn't okay with it but my dad is taking care of me. Everything should go to plan" She explained.

"Anything new with you?" Louise asked, I instantly grinned to myself when I thought about Sophia.

"Me and Sophia are together now" I muttered while looking to the ground, even saying it made my cheeks red and my heart pound. Louise's face lit up when I looked at her, I expected her to be jealous or angry about it like she used to be when me and Sophia hung out together.

"That's great James, I saw it coming though. You two have always been in love" She replied while continuing to smile, I nodded quickly in agreement. Louise handed me the flowers and kissed me on the cheek.

"I should go, leave those roses in the church for me yeah?" She said.

"Of course. If you ever need me you know where I am" I told her as she walked off, we waved goodbye and then she was gone.

I crossed the road and joined the group again, they all stared at me and then began to laugh. Leila licked her finger and wiped my cheek, I pushed her away and scrunched up my face.

"You had lipstick on your face!" She shouted, I groaned and tried to wipe it off with my sleeve.

- Elise's POV -

Me and Sophia walked slowly around the quiet streets which were near the church, as soon as I met her I felt more at ease about the funeral today because I know she is going through the same thoughts and feelings as I am. We found a bench which looked over a steep hill that had some children running around throwing a frisbee, we sat down and watched them for a while.

"It's hard to believe, you know?" I muttered while watching the children, Sophia nodded in the corner of my eye.

"I don't think I will ever believe it, ever" She added while lowering her head, I reached for her hand and she held it tightly while shutting her eyes. In that moment I knew we felt the same pain and sorrow because Sophia looked broken.

"She is so incredible, the greatest person I have ever met.. I just don't get it" Sophia continued, I agreed with her.

"Rae was the happiest person in the hospital, everybody else was wallowing in their sickness as I cleaned their rooms but her.. She was dancing and singing even when the pain stopped her from moving. Rae is and always will be strong" I said while looking up at the blue sky. The sun was still as warm as ever, it was making the wooden bench we sat on too warm to touch.

Sophia looked across at me with a huge smile, she had tears in her eyes. I glanced at her and gave her a smile back.

"She's going to be with us for the rest of our lives, she will protect us. I know that for sure" Sophia reassured me, I nodded and sighed. We sat silently again for a while, still holding tightly onto each others hand across the bench. The children who were playing had left now so it was awfully silent, even more than it should be.

"Rae loves you so much, she loves you more than anyone" Sophia randomly said, I began to cry out of no where and Sophia hugged me tightly.

"I know, I love her too" I said while burying my face in Sophia's shoulder, she let me cry for a few minutes until her phone began to ring.

"I'm sorry" She whispered before answering the call, I wiped my eyes quickly and glanced down the hill again as Sophia spoke to the person on her phone.

"That was my boyfriend, the service is starting soon so I think we should head back" She told me when she hung up, I nodded and we left the bench.

"I don't know if I can do this" I whispered to her as we approached the church, it was crowded on the outside.

"Me neither" Sophia replied while sighing, her breath was shaky.

Well, it's now or never.