The Inseparable Twins

Yves: Please Understand

Ian looked exhausted. Even though he took a shower and got dressed, he still has such dark circles under his eyes. It's almost frightening to see how bad it is. His face is paler than usual too, but then again, I know why. I watched him his as he slouched in his chair and stared up at the ceiling. His breathing was low and even, the rise and fall of his torso was barely visible. He didn't blink much but did rub one of his eyes as he yawned softly. I don't think he realized I was staring at him until I felt a tickle in my nose and sneezed suddenly in his direction.

Surprise washed over his face as he looked at me. Eyes wide and curious, he asked, "Were you just looking at me, Yves?" I scratched at the tip of my nose while I blushed. I looked away and mumbled, "I have no idea as to what you're talking about...?" I peered at him from the corner of my eye to see him a blushed face and smiling lightly. That seemed to cheer him up, even if it was just a little bit. The clock dinged as the hands struck eight o'clock; our signal to get our bags and head on out for the bus.

I swiveled around in my chair just in time to hear our Dad's voice, "Hey boys, don't forget to try and have a good time at school...okay?" He sounded a little concerned just as he always does. "Nah! Don't worry about us, Dad! We'll be fine!" I cheered to reassure him that everything would be. Ian and I got up and out of our chairs simultaneously and took our bags from the hall tree by the door. "Do you boys have any after school clubs today?" our Mom's gentle voice also sounded concerned but she put on her best smile. I shook my head and hugged her tight. "Not today, but maybe next year." I looked over my shoulder to see Ian fumbling with his socks and shoes, his tie draped around his neck. I let go of my mother and tied Ian's tie for him and tucked it in his shirt as he finished putting his socks and shoes on.

Ian stared at his tie for a moment before he got up and kissed Mom on the cheek. I kissed her other one and I took Ian's hand and we ran out to the door together.

"Yves! Wait! ...You're going...too fast!" he exclaimed, completely out of breath. I slowed my pace from a run to a brisk walk but still had Ian in tow behind me. "Thank you...and can you please let go of my hand now?" he sounded distant. I dared not let go of his hand regardless of if other people were looking. Instead I tightened my grasp and continued walking. Ian never tried to let go, even no matter how many time he tells you too. In truth, I realized very early on that he actually appreciates things like this but he feels like a burden to others. As if he thinks he doesn't deserve happiness because of the past.

It makes my heart ache to see my brother still suffer from depression. It has gotten significantly better than when it first started, but still...I want to be able to do more for him, to help him overcome this. I know he feels as if all that's happened is his fault, but it's not and I don't know how to convey that to him.

I wish there was a way he could see himself through my eyes. To see how a wonderful person he truly is and how happy I am that we're twins. I honestly wouldn't change it even if the world were to end tomorrow. He's my bother, my best friend and my literal other half. When I'm with him, I could care less about anyone else.

At that moment I felt a hard tug a my sleeve and a little voice rung in my ears, "Yves, we went passed the bus stop. It'll be there any minute." I stopped dead in my tracks, looked behind me at the out of breath twin and further behind us was the stop. "Oh! Why didn't tell me?" I asked. You could hear the pain in his voice, "I was trying to get your attention a few times but it looks like I didn't help..." he trailed off. I let go of his hand, spun around on my heels took his hand once more and without notice sprinted to the stop just as the bus arrived.

We found our usual seat at the front of the bus. I had Ian sit down first and I ruffled his hair as he went by me. He groaned, "Ugh, don't do that. You'll draw unnecessary attention to yourself." He twiddled his thumbs as I took my place next to him. I leaned my head on his shoulder and breathed deeply; the scent of home still lingered on his clothes. "Ian, please...please understand that I don't care what others think." I paused for a moment, thinking over my words, "Only your opinion of me matters. Simple as that. You don't have to worry so much, silly." I chuckled and lightly poked his cheek.

He answered softly, "Okay."