Convincing You I'm Me

Chapter 47: What Is Real?

I S L A

"You have no right to-"

"Is that so?" the groundskeeper grins, cutting me off. He barges past me, letting himself into my apartment.

I close the door, turning stiffly to face him. "I did everything you said. I stayed away, I left him be."

He shakes his head. "You told him who you are."

"Why does that matter?" I demand. "It's been eight years, we were bound to run into each other eventually."

He scratches his head. "You have no idea what you've done."

"Tell me then!" I yell.

"He believes you. Do you understand how dangerous that is? Seeing him, talking to him, even the mere interaction, that's bad. But now everything has changed."

"Why him?" I lower my voice. "Rosie has believed me for years, I've interacted with her with her a hell of a lot more than Jason and you've never called me out for it. So, why him?"

"Because she wasn't the reason."

"I know the reason." I say quietly. 

He nods. "There is a reason for everything, child. There is a reason that I got the sense to find you. To guide you. To show you what is and isn't real. There is a reason that Lily died, there is a reason Jamie was born in her place. It was all according to a plan. A plan that you have tempered with."

"Why do you always speak in riddles?" I demand, rubbing my temples. "Why can't you just tell me what it all means?"

"Don't you think if I knew that, I would have told you by now? I only know what they decide to tell me. I was trusted upon to keep an eye on you, to watch over you and advise you. And you have done the complete opposite to what I said."

"So?" I whisper. 

"You have sealed your own fate."

"I know that!" my voice raises again, my hand balls into a fist from anger. "I know I'm going to die, I know I have an expiry date. But I would rather spend my last four days by Jason's side than live the remainder of my life apart from him. From my children. I would rather die completely than spend another second without them. Whether or not they believe who I am."

"This isn't some epic love story," he says seriously. "This is reality. You got a second chance for one purpose, and one purpose only. Jason was not that purpose. And you've now comprised it all."

"Jason loves me."

"He loved Lily."

"He loves me."

"Stop playing with fire, Isla. You are way out of your league here. You're messing with a man's emotions, you're allowing him to hang on to something that isn't real."

I'm taken back by that. I take deep breaths, wiping a tear from my eye. "It is real."

"Because that's what you've taught yourself to believe."

"No," I shake my head. "I remember. I remember everything."

"Everything?" he says, he gives me a wide look. "The truth is you stalked this man, you stalked his children, you interpreted her feelings as though they were your own. You-"

"No!" I scream, pushing the tears from my face. "Get out!"

"Isla, I'm only trying to help you. Jason has been through enough, you need to let this go."

I stare at the floor, my face and voice trembles. "I said, get out."

I stand still, holding it all in as he paces for the door. He lingers in the open doorway, tapping his fingers against the wood.

"Do the right thing," he says. "Because in four days, we both know what's really going to happen. You're going to kill yourself."

I wait until he leaves, refusing to let his words sink me. But the roar of emotions clouds my rationality, and I crumble to the floor, screaming into the empty air until I lose my breath and inevitably, my conscious.