Convincing You I'm Me

Chapter 21: Stranger

"Jason. Hello?"

I glance up to see Ebony waving a hand at my face. "Hmm?"

"You spaced," she laughs. "Where did you go?"

"Sorry," I cough. "What did you say?"

"Tell me everything about you," she says. "What movies do you like?"

"I don't have time for movies."

"What do you do in your spare time then?"

"Work," I say. "Either here or at home. It's never a day off for a single father."

"Tell me about it," she sighs. "My daughter is sixteen now and she thinks she's an adult. I just recently found condoms in her room, she got quite the grilling. I suppose you've got all that to come."

I swallow, even the mere thought of one day finding condoms in Jessie or Jade's rooms makes my blood turn into acid. "They're not allowed boyfriend's until they're twenty," I grin. "They know the rules."

"Over-protective Dad mode?" she laughs. "They'll find a way around that, you know."

"I'd like to see them try."

"They're ten now, right?" she asks.

I nod.

"Poor girls. Not to have a mother figure."

"They have Rosie and Davina," I say. "They see them as much as they can. Davina just recently took Jessie shopping and she came back with enough knowledge about make-up to make me worried."

She rolls her head back laughing. "They sound great," her face suddenly falls sad. "Rosie was telling me that you don't like seeing her. She feels intimidated by it."

"She does?"

"Well, yeah," she says. "You drop the kids at her house and scarper before she's even got to the door. It upsets her. We had a really good talk yesterday."

"Obviously." I sigh under my breath. 

"She lost her twin," she whispers. "Her identical twin. Apart from the kids, you were the only connection to her and you can't even look at her."

I shift in my seat uncomfortably. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Yeah," she says. "Sure."

In the back of my mind, I'm cursing myself for agreeing to do this. Because honestly, it's boring me, she's boring me. This entire date is boring me. I hate myself for doing this again, for comparing it, but it's like a spinning record. I know deep down that I will never find another woman like her, I knew this from the moment I met her, so why am I still searching for one? 

Why am I searching for a Lily when all I keep getting are down-graded strangers? 

That's what they are. That's what Ebony is. A stranger. 

Someone I don't know, someone I don't really want to know. I can scour this entire Earth and I will never find what I'm looking for, so what is the point?

Lily is gone, she's dead. 

I need to move on. 

But how?

How?