The World Is Worth A Smile

Reluctant Solidarity

My mind is a dark place. A place of fear and pain. A place where I never thought light could ever penetrate.

Yet as I stand, me and Cole together, in this small hospital waiting room I can almost feel the darkness receding slightly as if the terrible tide is finally turning. For the first time in years, the light has managed to find a chink in my armour- the armour that I was forced into but that I had inadvertantly come to rely on.

I don't understand how it has happened but Cole's very being has lodged into my mind and skulks at the back of every thought like the very best of lyrics that you just can't get out of your head. I am well aware that I don't really know him, but somehow just his presence makes me feel a certain calmness that I previously could never manage to muster.

He himself, as with the rest of the world, can not physically change anything. He can not slay the beast inside of me, he can not stop my mother from taking me back. Yet somehow, against all the odds, he has helped me to conjure a certain inner strength that makes me want to keep fighting.

I want to to keep fighting.

And I want him to keep fighting too.

"Jasmine, how did you get here?" Cole whispers, after we have stood in silence for a few minutes just taking each other in.

"Lauren, one of my nurses, helped me. She told them we were talking, me and and her. I didn't tell her where I was actually going, though, I just said I needed some time alone. She seemed to understand- told me she used to be a patient here too."

"So you can trust her?"

"Yes, I think so." I reply, only fully realising it myself. I can trust Lauren, she is my friend. I need to tell her what I have really been doing.

"That's good, I guess, but be careful. If any of the other staff knew that we have been talking without an 'arranged meeting' we would probably be transferred, or at the very least watched even more closely than before."

"Yes, I know. That can't happen. But Lauren won't disclose anything, I know she won't."

As I finish Cole catches my eye and we both instinctively know that I am going to have to go back to the ward. I have already been here too long. Slowly I begin to turn towards the door.

"Do you know where the recovery garden is?" He asks quickly, catching my arm before I can start to move.

"I think so. Just next to labour ward?"

"Yes. Meet me there tomorrow after the check up round. And, if you are sure she can be trusted, try to bring Lauren."

"I will try, but I don't think...I don't know...my mother, I-

My breath catches in my throat as I realise how difficult whatever we are doing is going to be.

"It will be okay. It will." Cole whispers, reaching up a pale hand to stroke my cheek. "See you soon, Jasmine, okay? I will see you soon."

I smile weakly then reluctantly pull away and walk towards the door.

Peering through the glass window in the top I can see that the waiting room is still empty, so, with one last glance at Cole, I walk out of Helen Ward altogether, my heart already feeling the burden of solitude.

Cole's voice replays in my mind and I smile to myself as I walk along the corridor. The gesture feels so alien here, in this place where I have always felt so distanced from any form of positivity, that it all feels hazy around the edges- like a dream.

Yet for once, it's not a nightmare.

Turning the corner I see Lauren, as we agreed, waiting by the samples room, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

"Jasmine! Thank goodness! I thought I was going to have to come and find you." She gushes, and my mind is made up. She is nothing like the other nurses in here, she treats me like a person, not a patient, and I can trust her. I can.

"I am so sorry, I know that I was longer than I said." I begin, "And I am also sorry because I haven't quite told you the truth."

Lauren looks at me wildly at that and I can sense her panic like thunder in the air.

"Jasmine?" She entreats.

"I know I should have told you before, but I wasn't trying to be on my own. I wanted to meet someone- Cole. I needed to speak to him, and that's all we did- talk. Its just I didn't know if I could trust you at first, but now I think that I can."

I gaze hopefully at Lauren, my breathing quickened- I don't want to loose her friendship when all she has done is help me.

After a few seconds, Lauren opens her mouth to speak.

Author's Note:

Sorry that I left it on a bit of a cliff hanger, I guess you will just have to wait for next week to find out what Lauren will say....;) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! As usual, I would really value any feedback or thoughts you might have and please give it a vote if you liked it!! Love to you all,
AutumnSwift1 ❤♥❤