Silence (Troyler Au)

10th Grade

         

T r o y e

I've never been one for holidays, its a time of the year that is meant for family time and love and together-ness and all that other shit. But I literally hate the whole month of December. During this time of year my mom gets weirdly emotional and its worse since we moved to Australia because we are not in school during december, because its summer time here, so I have no place to go to get away from her.

My whole family, besides me, is out today shopping for Hanukah...I have gotten my gifts for everyone already via the magic of the internet. I got Sage some makeup stuff, Tyde a new video game, Steele a nice leather jacket, I also got my mom so weird cooking thing she asked for and I got my dad a 'kiss the chef' apron (something I knew he would love). I also have a huge care package that I'm sending to Tyler for Christmas, the boy is a Christmas junkie he literally listens to Chrismas music in June.

Sometimes his 24/7 cheeriness is irritating, but it is also something I have learned to love. Not long after my 15th birthday over the summer I told Tyler that I was gay. He clapped and smiled that big beautiful smile. He also wrote a huge project on long distance friendships and I got to talk to is whole class via video chat. It was so cool, I made me miss him a little less because we spent so many hours working on it together.

Tilly: I can't video chat tonight :(

I read the message again with a sad sigh, to be honest part of the reason that I didn't go out with my family tonight was because we were going to talk tonight. He had to cancel on me yesterday too, because he was going to his grandparents house.

Tilly: Maybe tomorrow morning? or later today for you I guess...

To Tilly: Sounds good to me, let me know when :) xx

Tilly: love ya Troyebooooi xxxxxx

To Tilly: nighty night love you toooooooo

I plopped my phone down onto the mattress, now what was I going to do. Tumblr was dead right now and my friends were all out at a movie. I rolled off the bed and sat in front of the familiar key board.

Over the past year I have rediscovered the love I have for music, I love to teach myself different songs that I hear on the radio and every once in a while I will write one of my own. I find it calming yet utterly frustrating at the same time, and I love every minute because its so rewarding when a piece comes together.

I have been working on a new song recently, its taken a while to come to shape but I think it perfectly wraps up how I feel. I'm suck right now on the perfect wording for the chorus...the only problem is that no a lot of thing rhyme with 'fools' well things do just not things that make sense.

The song as a whole is like me contemplating my actions in having fallen for someone and trying to let him go, which makes me kinda feel foolish all around. Its like full circle, damned if I do, damned if I don't. I know that all of the odds are against us, but I'm still in love with him. I can picture a future with him in it...and I know thats crazy because I'm only 15 but I can.

I flopped down onto my mattress and hour and thirty minutes later, flicking between different words in my head. Only fools fall for you, only fools do...no. That doesn't sound good. Only fools fall for you, only fools. Only fools...do what I do. Yes thats better, it needs more though.

"Troye" my mom called from down the stairs, I tried not to outwardly grown as I finally began to make progress. "its dinner time" she said again

"I'm not hungry yet save some for me" I called twiddling my pencil between my fingers as I wrote down the lines I had come up with. I was so close to finishing all the other stanzas ever done.