Silence (Troyler Au)

8th Grade

T r o y e

Yesterday was my birthday, I don't really think it matters. I miss Tyler, I miss him so much and I miss the sound of his voice. He's so different now, he's not the same boy he was when I left. He didn't do what I asked him too, he shut down... he locked everyone out, even me I think.

"Hiya Tilly" I said as his face popped up on my computer screen, Skype was our only way to talk besides texting, which we did a lot of. 'Hi Troye' he signed back to me

"Hows did your school year go?" I asked him, because of were I live now I'm still in school and Tyler is just finishing.

'okay' he signed 'long and not fun without you' he added

"How could it be fun without me" I giggled, that made him laugh too. A sound that I have learned to love and cherish because I didn't hear it often. He almost never made a sound anymore.

Silence weighted in as I dropped the conversation, I didn't know what to talk about with him anymore. Tyler never talked about his life anymore, in fact he never talked about anything anymore. Once I left he taught himself sign language and stopped talking all together. Tyler was a closed book.

Jackie told my mom that Tyler had to go to a special school now for kids who didn't speak, it was a school for the mute, deaf, and blind. Tyler seemed to enjoy it though because there was no pressure for him to talk, which he didn't. After I found out he stopped talking I learned sign language so that we would video chat with each other rather than just texting, I missed seeing his face. Now I miss his voice.

I didn't even realized I zoned out and was looking at the key board until my phone dinged with a text message.

From Tilly: I was trying to get your attention, what are you thinking about over there?

I looked up at him on the screen, it had been almost a year of not seeing him in person. It was hard because his pixelated face was not a beautiful as his in person face. The face on the screen was usually blurry and lagged, I miss seeing the real him. I miss being able to push his comfort zones, now when he gets uncomfortable he just hangs up on me...he could never do that as we were growing up

From Tilly: You zoned out again, is everything okay?

To Tilly: No

From Tilly: Whats wrong??

To Tilly: Ugh idek...I'm just being dramatic I guess

From Tilly: look at me

I glanced at the message and then at the camera that showed my face to Tyler. He smiled and me, his big beautiful eyes still evident even through the digital communication. I could still see the sparkle.

From Tilly: you're lying

To Tilly: about what??

From Tilly: about 'just being dramatic', I can see in your eyes that there is something wrong

From Tilly: you can't hide things from me Sivan

I looked up at the screen again, this time my eyes filling with tears. I miss him, I miss him more than I was admitting to myself and my family. I miss him with my whole heart. "I just really miss you" I said quietly

'I miss you more' Tyler signed

"Thats not possible" I said

'Oh it is' he signed 'i miss you like an idiot misses the point, i miss because without you here it feels like the sun forgets to shine and the rain forgets to fall. You have no idea how hard it is to force myself to stop thinking about you and what you're doing because I need to think about me sometimes, but I can't because I'm too busy missing you'