Ruined

eight

The doctor in the navy scrubs and the cap on his head. He comes out with the look of exhaustion on his features. His clean shaven face and the heavy bags under his eyes. He has dark black hair that waves over his shoulders. There is another behind him except in baby blue. He has brown hair and a cut on his upper lip also clean shaven. They are coming towards me. These are the faces that I will remember as they deliver the news to me. The news regarding my wife and child.

Finally reaching me, I stand and our parents standing also. I am trying to decipher whether this is good or bad news. But I can't tell and it's causing my chest to feel tight. It's feeling hard to breathe I need to know now.

"What is it!?"

"Sir, your baby girl is born she's healthy a little premature but not bad at all she is perfect."

"And my wife..." I ask afraid that what I was going to hear was they couldn't save her.

"She's had some internal bleeding by the ribs we were able to find the source of the bleeding. She tore her ACL. She broke her ankle and had a bit of nerve damage in her foot. But she is a fighter she is in her room. Would you like to go see her?"

"Yes yes please." They lead me to her room only allowing myself to see her at the moment. I stare at her lying there in that bed with the tubes attached to her. Her eyes are shut and I can't look at her for long. Her lying there is frightening to see, after sitting for so long wondering what may have happened to her. This isn't how I want to see her.

"She's asleep but she should wake up soon. You can go in."

I walk closer to her and she's my Tori. I take her cold hand and raise them to my lips blowing trying to warm them. I kiss her knuckles and run her fingers along my lips. She stirs and I look up at her but her eyes are still closed. I sit along side her bed and my eyes begin to close. The time was eleven when I fell asleep. I wake through out the night as the nurses come in to check on her. Still she has not waken up. Again I drift off to sleep only to wake ten minutes later to her hand grabbing a hold of mine.

"Niall." She says trying to squeeze on my fingers.

"Tori, baby." I say stirring out of my sleep. "Baby how do you feel?"

"Empty. Where's our baby, what happened to our baby?" The edge in her voice evident.

They had told me, she was okay. Our baby a little premature but she is completely healthy. I hadn't gone to see her because of Tori. But both our parents had been keeping our child occupied. The nurses came in often asking me if I wanted to see her but I couldn't. I wasn't ready to. I wanted to see her but I wanted to see her in Tori's arms. I wanted to see them both okay.

"She's okay she's perfectly okay. The doctors say she's okay."

"She's okay." She begins to tear up, a drop rolling down the side of her face. "She's okay..." I wipe the year away just before leaving the room.

I call for a nurse and return to her side kissing her forehead as she lies in bed fighting to stay awake. She looks at me about to say something just as the nurse comes in and checks on her asking questions about her. Then the intern comes in and asks some further questions.

She says she feels okay just in pain all over until they ask, "If she needs anything."

"I need to see my baby."

"We'll bring a chair." The intern looks to one of the nurses and says, "Can you bring in a wheel chair?" Tori begins to pull over the covers I try helping her when she begins to gasp and search for air. She dry heaves and begins to scream. I grab a hold of her not really sure what's wrong she cries out into my shoulder. Heart breaking cry and I begin to really worry.

The intern asks, "What's wrong are you feeling short of breath?" She begins throwing out all sorts of possibilities.

I rub her hair, "Baby look at me calm down calm down. Tell me what's wrong?"

She shakes her head as she looks me in the eyes her eyes pooling with tears. "I can't -I-I CAN'T..."

"Baby what can't you do...tell me baby you can't do what?"

She says it finally, "I can't move my feet. I can't move my legs and I can't feel anything. I can't move them!" She cries, "What's wrong with me?"

And that's when the intern said the words, "I'm not sure." And I don't know what I did or why but I felt everything in me. From this morning into this evening or my entered fucking fucked up day. But I lost it.

"Get the fuck out! Go get someone that actually knows what the fuck this means! Go!" She flinched and she looked so scared. But I couldn't look at her otherwise I would have said more than that. I look at y scared wife and kids her forehead as she cries still frightened.

:(:(:(:(

The doctor came in his eyes filled with sleep. His hair a little less done and his shoes untied. I noticed all of this as he examined her legs and feet. He searched for a reaction or some form of response. He repeatedly asked her to try things but still her legs and feet did nothing.

So the doctor looked at us both, "You can't move your toes due to the nerve damage. It does not stem into your legs. The cast on your leg may make it hard to function but your legs are fine. Just your feet suffer from nerve damage. But this can be repaired. I would recommend you heal for now and then we can discuss nerve repair."

I look at her and she looks away. I look to the doc shaking his hand and thanking him for coming at such an ungodly hour just to explain this. After he leaves I call for her.

"Tori..."

"Don't."

"Do you still want to see her?"

"No. I don't want to see anyone. You can go too."

"I'm not leaving you Tori don't be ridiculous." I get closer taking her hand and she recoils it. Pulling away from me, something she has never done. And after all that has gone on today I find it hard to take this. So I leave giving her the space she so desires.