Ruined

the first kiss

I've taken my seat. Everything inside me feels unbelievably numb. I am acutely aware of my surroundings. But honestly, the only thing that continues to play in mind are the events that lead up to where I am now. Sitting in the waiting room of a hospital, awaiting news on my wife and baby.

I should probably call our parents. But I just I can't seem to get myself to do it. I know her mother will come in crying about everything questioning how this all happened. Her dad would put a hand on my shoulder trying to give some uplifting words. While my dad would be concerned about his grandchild. My mother would be concerned for me. Honestly I don't want to deal with any of that. I want to worry alone. I want to be alone. No, no all I want is my wife.

I want my wife. More than anything I want her to be okay. I want my baby to be okay.

•••••

We were coming from a movie. Oh it was a terrible movie. She and I both hated it. But I liked it because during the film she took my hand. She held onto it so tight. I also found out that she hates thrillers. Turned out that I hated that one too. I couldn't even justify it, it was a stupid movie. But I would have endured it again if she asked me too not that she would.

"Hey do you like sushi. I know a really good sushi place we could go."

"Oh sushi...." I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

She smiles, "Oh come on Niall I think you'll like it."

She was wrong. We got to the restaurant and she chose all the food we would eat. For starters the food portion is literally for babies. Secondly, it's raw fish. I am not a person that willingly gives myself salmonella. Thirdly, I just don't like how slimy it was. Oh when I told that Tori she gave me an earful.

"What just because the word starts with salmon does not mean that it's a fish related disease. Salmonella is for uncooked meat! Besides it was fish did you really expect something that swims in the water to be dry?"

She opens the door to the apartments and looked back at me, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Your cute when your angry."

"I'm not angry I'm just befuddled."

I applauded, "Ooh six dollar word." She winked at me as she stepped out of her heels. "Either way I think you're cute while doing it."

She excused herself to the bathroom. I gazed around the room before taking a seat on the couch. I turned on the television and that's when she came back holding up a t shirt. It was a Bob Marley shirt.

"I know it's cheesy but I seen it and thought of you. So I got it."

"Thank you, but I didn't get you anything."

"Oh that's okay. It wasn't a gift exchange just something I wanted to give to you."

"So you thought about me throughout your day." She got really shy and didn't want to admit it. So I did, "I thought of you all day. You could ask my fucked up friends they'd tell you. I couldn't stop talking about you."

She sat on the couch close enough for me to catch her scent and for me to feel tight against my pants. We both turned our attention to the television. It was only the news. But I didn't turn the channel and neither did she.

"Ugh look at that...tune in for more depressing shit on the news."

I laughed so hard I snorted at the end. Which only made her laugh. And in turn made us laugh even harder. I just I hadn't expected it. She had managed to surprise me.

We talked and talked for hours. I completely forgot that I wanted to have sex with her. After a while I didn't even care about sleeping with her I just wanted to keep talking. Her voice was soft and beautiful. When she spoke about things she was just so passionate about it.

"Niall...." She said lying on one side of the couch.

"Yes Tori?" I answered lying on the floor.

"Do you believe in soul mates."

"Yeah. I mean I believe that for someone there is someone. That someone that'll complete you. But I don't believe that there is just one."

"I think I like what you believe in."

I smiled while I lie there, I looked at my watch and smiled. "Can you believe it's three in the morning."

"Oh god you have work tomorrow morning."

"I do. I have a class I have to get in front of tomorrow." We both sat up.

"You should go. I'm so sorry. I kept you up with all my talking."

I smiled at her, "I'm not. So you can keep your apology. I loved hearing you talk. I loved talking with you."

She noticeably blushed, "Well um let me walk you out." I stood up and she took my hand and walked me toward the door.

"Well I had a lot of fun tonight Tori."

"Yeah." She said as she tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. "Me too."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She closed the door as I walked out. I stood at the door for a second before I turned around and knocked on it.

"Yeah?"

"I forgot something."

"Oh---" she said as she started to look around.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her. I had been waiting so long to do it. And it felt even better than I imagined it would. Her lips were soft and somewhat dry but welcoming. They felt good against my own being that my own were pretty moist since I had just licked them absent minded. She kissed me back almost immediately. When I pulled away I looked at her again before saying goodnight. I walked out the door again but this time I didn't hear the door close behind me.

The sound of her feet pattering against the floor made me still. I turned to her running up to me. She jumped up and kissed me again. I hoisted her up and walked back into the apartment closing the door behind me.