{ #1 } I Was Shooting For The Moon, I Hit Two Stars (MxMxM || 18+)

Chapter 55 - Hopeless & Homeless

Despite my aching feet, I pick up speed, holding my backpack close to my chest. Half my cash is in my bag and I certainly won't risk having it stolen. Honestly, I never thought it would be so hard to get a job in Champaign or Urbana. Maybe not as easy as in Chicago since there are less restaurants, but not that difficult either. I might have to turn to other trades than cooking, try various shops or warehouses. In the end, I might do with whatever I get.

When I finally reach my hotel in the early evening, I go straight to my tiny room and fetch my food from the mini-fridge. Time for my second meal of the day! I pull out two slices of bread, one slice of ham that I slip between them, and here I am with a beautiful sandwich. Such a change from the healthy diet I had only a few days ago...

Ugh, the air is so thick and heavy in here! The air conditioner is out of order and the weather has been so nice and warm lately that I can barely breathe, so I slightly pull up the window, hoping for some fresh evening air. I also make sure that the envelop with the other half of my cash is still safe beneath the mattress and after a mild shower, I lie down on the bed in my boxer briefs. I'm so exhausted. I just can't wait for sleep to swallow me whole, especially now that the nightmares have disappeared. In my slumber, I'll be able to forget about all my troubles.

Meanwhile, reality keeps gnawing at my brain. I'm back to my old solitary life, with no one to talk to, no one to snuggle against, only surrounded by silence. Is this what I really wanted? Obviously not...

My old phone and its detached battery are lying on the bed too, smirking at me. Mark tried to call me on Saturday morning and maybe I just watched too many movies or read too many thrillers, but I switched it off and removed the battery, just in case he'd try to locate my device. I have been tempted to switch it back on, but I'm too scared to hear whatever message he or Shannon may have left on my voice mail. I wouldn't be able to deal with hearing their voices because it would simply make me crumble to dust.

I never thought I'd miss them so badly, but what did I expect? After all, I love them... I miss Shan's craziness and joyfulness, his tenderness, his mischievous and sparkling eyes. I miss Mark's safe and strong arms, his authority, his guidance, his gentleness, his comfort. I feel so empty without them. I wish I could stop thinking about my ex-lovers, but I don't want to forget them. The months I spent in their company were the best in my life and although it's only been a week since I ran away, it feels like ages.

If only I could turn back time to that moment I opened the entrance door of the apartment...

My decision to flee was made in some sort of daze. The previous week had been difficult and weary due to the nightmares. I was tired and lost, not knowing how to deal with all the stress. Mark's promise for a serious conversation on that Saturday afternoon scared me a little, but there was hope he might help sort out my issues. Too bad I had to panic at the remembrance of my parents.

What they said in my dreams sounded too real and it turned stronger than my own reason. I was there, sitting alone in the kitchen, and somehow, I could feel them glaring at me. At what I'd become. As if they disapproved this three-way relationship and the kinky lifestyle I evolved in. I just couldn't handle feeling rejected by my beloved parents on the eve of their death anniversary, so in this very moment, the only option I saw was to leave.

Barely aware of what I was doing, I went to Mark's office and sat at his desk to write a quick resignation letter and a farewell note. I guess my subconscious tried to overpower my conscience because I couldn't help weeping over my goodbye. I went to the playroom to fetch the spare key of my collar, painfully unlocked it and left the jewel on the kitchen counter with my note. As silently as I could, I went into the walk-in closet to pack a few clothes and my box of secrets, and I fought my urge to take a last peek at Shannon. But I didn't.