It Can Never Be

9. Rag Doll

We had walked in a few circles, it was time to actually start to walk home, we hadn't talked too much, there wasn't that much to say, the thing that wouldn't leave my mind was that I barely knew Mitchel, yet this was almost like "instant love." What really is that? There's no way you can see somebody and instantaneously fall for them, however you can see somebody and find them attractive immediately. I think what I meant by "instant love" was like I had jumped into the middle of a relationship, there was no build up to what it was now, it all just happened at once.

"What do you like about me?" I asked Mitchel, I guess I was forced to call him my boyfriend, we had kissed twice after all and we were doing coupley things.

"You're cute. Cluelessly adorable. That puzzled look you give me all the time is like an addiction, it makes me want to do stupid things so you'll look at me like that more often. You have lovely blue eyes, you're taller than me too, you're... Different" that was his answer, which puzzled me, it was mostly about looks but I wondered what he meant by "different."

"Besides from my physical appearance what do you like?" I asked mediocrely.

"You're different to the people I'm around everyday. You're smart. Like crazy smart. But book smart, you don't seem to understand everything that socially happens around you," he paused to think about what he said, "and, uh... I dunno, there's just something else about you that I like." I thought about what he said, as I thought things became undefinably quiet. I yawned as we turned the corner, which lead to Mitch yawning back. I noticed of how comfortable Mitchel's hoodie was, it was soft against my skin, the texture wasn't irritating at all, I could feel the strings bouncing against my chest and hitting me with every step, it smelt a little sweaty, but what else should I of expected? I heard a jingling sound coming from Mitchel as he walked, I wondered what it was, it didn't sound like loose change, but maybe keys or something along the lines of that. I felt Mitchel's gentle hand touch my waist, he pulled me in closer to him with an irresistible smile.

"Do you think my friends will wonder where I went?" I asked for the second time, I'd asked earlier but hadn't gotten an answer.

"More than likely" he reacted to my question simply. Izaak would probably come over later and ask about it, the poor thing was left alone at lunch, I felt bad for that.

"Mitchel," I caught his attention, "what do you think my brother will think of... Us?"

"I don't know your brother. How old is he?"

"Eighteen."

"Hmm, mature?"

"Definitely not."

"Name?"

"Rory."

"Does he know you're-" he began.

"Kinda. He worked it out." A long silence followed my answer.

"He might tease you."

I sighed, "sounds like him." Mitchel's grip around my unfit body tightened, it made me feel like I was meant to be doing something with myself, I was new to this stuff and barely understood what was happening most of the time, I was basically being thrown around like a rag doll, but worse. He was in love with this rag doll, he kissed it and cuddled up to it constantly like a child and it's favourite toy, the toys that they took everywhere and didn't let out of their sight. Could I say Mitch was "clingy"? And I guess my body was a bit like a rag doll too, limbs lazily swung by my sides and I rarely knew what to do with them, my stomach was soft, my clothes were two sizes too big, my feet were huge, my face was simple, and I lazily galumphed my way around. I bet you didn't know Lewis Carroll, the man who wrote "Through the Looking Glass" and "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" made up the word "galumphed"? He described it as a blend of gallop and triumph. Put aside the realistic facts, if I were a rag doll what would I look like? Pretty similar I guess, but I mean what would they use for my hair? What kind of fabric would they use for my skin? What would they use for my eyes?