Depression Likes To Win

A story from the past

I can't tell Charlie. No, I have to tell Charlie. He was part with the baby. He was going to be a father, he was excited to be a father. My mom and dad would've been grandparents. My brother, a uncle. Me, I was going to be a mom. That baby would've been loved, cherished. But my body, I don't know yet, decided not to let me have it. I was ready, and I was happy, but now I'm slipping.

I'm in the living room, sitting with everyone, red eyed, makeup smeared still. I changed from shorts to my sweatpants. I don't know what to say, and my mom already has cried. I think everyone has pretty much figured it out. Maybe. I don't know, but I have to say it. I cleared my throat, Charlie held my hand, and looked at me with confusion, and pain, and sadness. "I um.. I." I didn't know how to say it. How can I say I just lost my baby? Our baby. My mom stood up, she will take it for me. She crossed her arms close to her chest and sighed. "Ana.. Had a..a.. A miscarriage," she said tearing up again. I started crying again, Charlie teared up and Jason walked to the backyard. My dad just sat there, he didn't know how to respond. I hugged Charlie crying and he was crying now to. I need to go get Jason, I need to hug him.

I ran to the backyard and looked around, where is he? I saw him at the corner of the fence, sitting there. A blank expression on his face. "Jason," I managed to choke out. He looked up and stood up. I ran to him and he hugged me tight. "I'm so sorry, Ana. I'm so sorry," he kept saying over and over holding me. We sat down and I layer my head on his thighs, while he rubbed my back and held my hand. I was just sobbing, there was nothing to say. Who knew something like this can cause so much pain? "Jason.. I- I- I don't know what to- to do," I sobbed. He leaned down and kissed my head. "Go to sleep, just go to sleep. Its all you can do right now." I heard the shakiness in his voice. He was keeping something back. I started falling asleep and barley felt him pick me up. He carried me to my room and played me down. I covered up under the blankets and watched him walking to the door. "Jason?" He turned and looked at me. "Yeah, Sketch?" I made a half smile at the name. "Can you lay with me? Please?" He shut the door and took off his shoes. He went under the blankets and wrapped on arm around me. "You don't feel weird with me like this, do you?" He asked. "No, I feel like you care," I said. He smiled and I shut my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up and it was 2 in the morning. Jason was still with me and I smiled. I'm happy he is there, I don't know what I would do without a older brother like him. I went in my bathroom and I looked myself in the mirror. I took a wet washcloth and cleaned my face, that was red and had makeup everywhere. I looked at my small box I had that I kept my makeup remover in. I opened it and looked at the small razor I always kept there. I took it and looked at my ugly wrist. I don't really know if I find it beautiful or I find it ugly. I might just be crazy. I did a couple, then heard my door open. I had blood here, how do I hide it? Jason walked in and looked at me. "Ana. What did you do?" I teared up and saw the blood coming from the cracks. "I was upset, I lost my baby,its my fault, I missed the pain I didn't know what to do I'm so sorry," I cried. He took a washcloth and held it on my wrist. He walked me back to the bed and he layed back down with me. "I'm going to tell you a little story," he said.

"When I was 8, my mother had announced that she was pregnant to me and my father. I was happy, I was going to be a big brother. My mom, in her first trimester, had a miscarriage. I didn't know what it meant so me being 8, I asked. They told me how it meant you lost the baby when you were pregnant. There were tears ahead, but that didn't stop them from trying again. This time, the baby made it. There was a problem though. My parents started hating me. They wished that I was the miscarried one, and that the other one was alive. They stated hating kids. So, my mom didn't want her baby. She had an abortion. She killed a baby. They put me up for adoption at the age of 9. Now listen to me, that miscarriage was not your fault. You didn't abort it, put it up for adoption if it did make it, but you kept it and you were happy. Please, do not cut because you think that it was your fault. Because I promise you that it wasn't."
I just sat there, I took his hand and held it. "You are loved here, Jason. Thank you for telling me this. I love you." He nodded and said I love you too.

Then we both fell asleep.

***Hey guys! I hope you liked this chapter it was kind of a calm one with a story because I needed to put something in. Please vote, and thank you, bye!! :)***