Depression Likes To Win

Secrets

"I will have 2 chocolate glazed donuts and 1 regular coffee and a iced mocha," Charlie said to the voice in the box. It always smells good outside of Tims and inside. My feet were on the dashboard and I was looking out the window. It looks so grey, I hope it rains and that goes away. We pulled up to the window and I gave him $5. "Why are you giving me this?, he asked while trying to give it back to me. "I'm paying for your coffee and donut, you can pay for mine. That way we are even." "Ok, fine, you really don't have to pay though." "Charlie, I insist." He gave the $5 and the rest of the money to the cashier. "Thank you, you can pull up to the next window," said the redhead. "Finally, now we shall get this, and go home," he said with a grin glancing at me.

We put our stuff on the coffee table in front of the couch and sat down. "Ok so I'm learning about this book and its about self harm and how to help people with it so they don't feel alone," Charlie said. My chest tightened and I felt numb. How can I help with this? I cut myself and I have depression and mixed together is bad. I looked at him while sipping my mocha and nodded. "Ok well, let's get started," I said putting my mocha down.

"How can you tell someone is self harming?" I guess he was suppose to ask and we both agree on an answer.
"They wear long sleeves even in summer, they cringe at talking about this kind of stuff, they often want to be alone, they cross their arms a lot thinking people can see the cuts through the sweater or sleeve." He looked at me and wrote all that down. Next question.

"If someone cuts and they have stopped and have passed that,who do you think would be proud of them?"

"Their best friend. Their parents. Someone close," I said while tearing up slowly and rubbing my eye like I had something in it.

"Charlie. I need to tell you something. But when I say and show you, will you still be my friend? My best friend?" Those words made him put his stuff down and look at me serious. "I am never and I repeat, NEVER leaving you. Once I'm with you, I'm stuck forever." I got a small sign of relief from that. I started crying and started taking off my sweater.

I showed him my wrist. I showed him both wrist. I saw that smooth wonderful color drain from his face. He took my hand and with the other grabbed a tissue and wiped my tears. "Shh. Stop crying, its ok Ana", he said in a shaky yet calm voice. I started to stop and let my head hang down. "Aren't you ashamed? Aren't you mad at me? Shouldn't you be telling me how ugly I am with these?" I said while having my head hang still. He took his hand and put his fingers gently on my chin and pulled my head up slowly. "No I'm not, no I'm not, and no I shouldn't. You are beautiful, Ana. With cuts or no cuts, you are gorgeous."

He stood up and pulled me up with him. He is at least 4 inches taller than me. How did I never notice? He pulled me into a tight hug and put his chin on my head. I hugged him back. We stood like this for probably 5 minutes. He let go then took my hands and sat down. "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are important. You are my best friend." He said best friend like he was kind of sad. "And, I love you." I pulled a half smile. "Thanks. And I love you too."
As soon as we let go and he picked up his books to continue, and I put my sweater back on, my mom walked in, followed by my dad. "Good afternoon, Mr and Mrs.Green," Charlie said with a smile. "Good afternoon, sweetheart", my mom said. She loves Charlie. She adores Charlie. She accepts him as her own. "Good afternoon, son," my dad said with a smile. He loves him to, so much that at dinner he likes to say to me that he is surprised we just don't date yet.
I love my parents.