under the mask [ a Kylo Ren fanfiction ]

Chapter 51

Kylo Ren

Lena had gone to help Dax onto Poe's ship. It wouldn't be much longer until he left and the rebels arrived. So far Ben was monitoring everything in the area very closely. He had navigated the ship into open space where he was meeting Snoke later. Thankfully, not a ship had came up on the radar thus far. 

Ben wanted nothing more than for Poe to take Lena with him. He could only imagine the fire in Snoke's eyes once he realized that Lena was still alive. Without a doubt, Ben knew that Snoke would target her above anyone else. He would do anything that would cause him Ben the most damage.

Poe was talking to Leia now. In a moment he would have to. The thought of talking to his mother never made him feel more sick. A wave of nausea passed over him. He was a monster in her eyes, Ben had killed his own father. She would never forgive him.

Once this was all over he was going to run, Ben knew he was too cowardly to face the punishment he so rightly deserved. He deserved the worst of the worst and however good  Ben felt right now it couldn't repay the damage he had caused. So he would hide. Ben couldn't ask Lena to come with him, but if she wanted to come then Ben wasn't about to stop her. How ever selfish that may be.

"Uh, Kylo Ren," Poe said confused about what he should be calling Ben. He wasn't even sure himself anymore. Subconsciously he referred to himself as Ben over then past couple of hours, but Ben was the obedient Jedi apprentice, Kylo Ren was far from that. "General Organa is ready to speak to you."

Ben's stomach dropped out from under him as he numbly nodded. He wasn't ready. He had murdered hundreds of innocents yet the thought of talking to him mother made him sick, perfect.

The comm connection was better than perfect, it was so clear the it was like Leia was standing in the room with him. The years since Ben had last seen his mother had aged her severely. Her hair was completely gray and braided on top of her head, but Leia's eyes and face held the trauma. On top of the few wrinkles, were deep dark bags under her eyes that held the many months of so little sleep. His mother's eyes shown the sadness and where hopelessness was starting to sink in.

"Ben," she whispered like she couldn't believe he was actually there. Ben himself still couldn't believe he was there. A thousand apologies danced around his head, some even managed to work their way onto his tongue, but Ben bit them back. Some part of him wasn't ready to have that conversation.

"General Organa," he grunted out. Before she could interrupt him or say something that would make Ben completely lose it, he laid out the plan for her. A distant voice told him it was going to work, Ben hated how much the voice sounded like his father's, another voice deeper down reminded him of the last time he tried to go up against Snoke. 

Leia seemed surprisingly optimistic, or perhaps it was her blind hope. Either way, it was their very last chance. Snoke knew where their base was, this had to work otherwise there wouldn't be a Rebellion at all. Behind Leia, Luke stood along with Rey and FN-2187. Occasionally Luke would whisper something to Rey who would nod. It took all of Ben's efforts not to jump up and pinpoint their location. He had spent years trying to find his uncle, and now his uncle stood nonchalantly before Ben.

"What do you think Lena?" his mother asked. Ben whipped around, he hadn't even realized she was in the room with him. 

"I think it's an excellent plan," Lena stepped up next to him. Ben hated how painfully aware he was of how close she was to him. His mind flashed back to last night, heat crept up on his skin at the very thought.

"I could still kill you for leaving without telling me," Leia said crossly to which Lena just shrugged in return. "Fine, let Poe know that we will be there within the next two hours. Is that quick enough Ben?" 

The way she said his name reminded of him of when he was younger and his mom couldn't decided to be upset or proud. It happened often since Ben had been a little fighter when he was little.

"It's cutting it close, try as hard as possible to be here sooner."

"Okay, they will be there soon." Leia nodded then disappeared.

As the comm closed Ben suddenly had the feeling that that was the last conversation he would ever have with his mother.