under the mask [ a Kylo Ren fanfiction ]

Chapter 21

Kylo Ren

He couldn't have been more shocked if he had woken up and his head was sown to the pillow. A million emotions went through his head. Confusion, why was she still here? Anger, she had the chance to leave, she should have left. Why the hell is she still here?  And in the very back of his head, he thought, she's still here. 

Ren turned closing the door behind him, the awkward turn of his body sent shooting pains into his thigh. He grimaced as Lena jumped up from her spot on the bed, she opened her mouth to speak but couldn't get anything out. 

They stood staring at each other awkwardly, she was taking him in, and he was taking her in. Ren had always been taller than her but now he felt he dwarfed over her. Lena came up about to his chin, she trained her head up more towards him, her eyes tracing the length of the jagged line across his face. Somehow she looked stronger, even more so Ren could feel her strength.

She finally managed to get something out after a moment. "Your face," Lena's voice came out in a whisper, she raised her hand to touch the cut but he pulled back. 

"Why did you stay?" Ren said without any effort, almost in defeat. But it came out more sad than anything else. She had passed up what would likely be one of her only chances of escaping. She closed her eyes. Ren felt sadness and grief pass over Lena, she had wanted to leave.

"I wanted too, I almost did." Lena confirmed what he already knew. She rubbed her arms sitting down on the edge of the bed. Even though his leg still hurt, Ren didn't sit. "I was almost out, it was a day or two ago. I had made it to the hanger, there was only two guards in there and I knew I could take them easily. Just as I was going in, my vision changed. I wasn't seeing out of my eyes, I was seeing out of your eyes, like a vision."

Ren's mind reeled. Force visions were rare to say the least, especially one like that. Some people could see into the future, he had never heard about any like Lena's. He had never had vision, Snoke had one time. He had described it as chilling, it had been one of those rare moments that Snoke appeared to be more than a monster. 

He said that he had seen a battle play out from one of his soldiers eyes before it ever happened, it was one of the first battles that the First Order had orchestrated. Snoke described it as actually being on the battlefield. He watched as they destroyed the city, that is, until the trooper was killed during battle. When he first saw the vision, he was afraid they were going to lose the battle only after did he realize he had only seen a small portion.

"I saw her, the girl, she tried to kill you and almost did. She was so angry," Lena gestured with her hands animatedly, trying to somehow show the anger she had seen. "I watched up until she struck your face, I wasn't even sure if you were alive or not but I knew I had to stay."

Ren finally decided to sit down, his leg getting the best of him. Guilt was eating him from the inside out as he stared at the floor, how would he tell her about what he had done? If he kept it a secret it would be a million times worse when she did figure out. Lena would figure out at some point no matter what.

Han had been like a father to Lena. She would be devastated and she would hate him. Lena wouldn't even be able to look at him, if she didn't try to kill him first.

"It wasn't the first time," she spoke up again. 

"What do you mean?" Ren responded, suddenly confused.

Lena swallowed, this time it was her turn to stare at the floor. "I've had visions, seeing through your eyes before. It happened quite a lot over the past couple of months. I've seen things as small as you just looking in the mirror and as big as-" 

Ren jerked his head up as she paused struggling with her words. She looked like she was about to cry. "To as big as you murdering people." No wonder she was never surprised about the horrors of his mind or about the things he had done; Lena had witnessed them happening.

"Have you seen through other people?" his voice came out hoarsely.

"No."

Why me? He thought numbly to himself. Whatever pain medication they had given him for his face was starting to wear off.

Thankfully, Ren didn't have much else to say. Exhaustion was creaking in from all sides. He explained that he needed to rest, which Lena completely understood. She helped him get into bed and made sure he was comfortable. Under normal circumstances Ren wouldn't have let her help with such trivial stuff but he was too tired to argue and he knew Lena was too stubborn to listen.

He fell asleep into a half conscious sleep quickly. He could hear Lena shuffling around, walking from side of the room to other. Even in this state, guilt still was the only thing he could feel. Ren dreaded telling her, wishing he could freeze her exactly as she was. 

Lena was relieved, he could feel it. She was relieved and happy that he was alive. 

He wondered if she could feel his guilt the way he could feel her relief. 

After a couple of hours, the bed creaked bringing Ren out of his half conscious doze. Lena, he assumed, all the lights were off and he couldn't see a thing. Next to him, she sighed.

"Lena?" he asked barely above a whisper.

"Yes," she mumbled, almost asleep. His eyes steadily adjusted and he could see just enough to make out her face. He put his hand on the side of her face rubbing his thumb across her cheek.

"I'm glad you're here but I wish you would have left," Ren told her softly. Lena put her hand on top of his but didn't say anything, he felt her lips twitch in a smile. He would tell her tomorrow, he promised himself he would, but for now she could believe whatever she wanted to believe about him. And maybe if he tried hard enough, he could too.