under the mask [ a Kylo Ren fanfiction ]

Chapter 49

Kylo Ren

Lena's heart beat against his chest. Along with her slow breathing, Ren couldn't help but smile. Her skin was warm against his and Ren didn't want to move and chance disturbing her. He let his hands trace carefully down her bare back and through her long hair. His mind went over last night over and over again.

Ren had felt her coming, he had been able to feel her restlessness from the other room. Being on the same ship was enough to set him on fire. Even when he had opened the door he had been able to see the urgency in Lena's eyes. At first he had been worried that she was hurt or something was wrong, but it didn't take another moment to realize that all she wanted was him.

Her words, not her actions, were what had surprised him the most. They had been almost asleep and Lena's breathing was still fast. She leaned over towards him and laid her hand on the side of his face. Ren had smiled putting his hand on her face as well.

"I love you," she whispered.

Ren's eyes went wide trying to take in what she had said. He tried to comprehend the depth to what she had said. Lena eyes searched his for a moment before she said, "You don't have to feel obligated to say it to me. I'd rather not hear it then have you lie to me."

He moved his thumb back and forth across her face unsure of what to say. Ren knew he loved her but he was terrified to tell her. He also didn't want to tell her just because she had said it to him first. Instead, he kissed Lena's forehead and pulled her close into him.

After a couple of minutes, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. 

Ren smiled at the memory and he pulled himself away from Lena's side carefully not to wake her up. He hated the thought of ending what had happened last night but knew they would have to leave soon. He was sure the convoy was gone, and Snoke would be expecting him shortly as it was. Even so, Ren still had to plan for this ship being destroyed. 

Poe would have no problem trying to blow up this ship, Ren knew that much for sure. His plan from the beginning was once Lena and Dax were gone, for the ship to be suddenly detected and attacked. Of course, the ship would be blown up and Ren was counting on getting some type of injury to make it seem more legitament. 

Pulling on his clothes, Lena stirred from the bed. "Good morning," her voice was groggy and gave away her exhaustion. She sat up pulling the blanket closer around her bare skin. Ren felt a smile slip across his face. 

"Good morning," he replied. He gave a final tug to his shirt and sat down next to her. Ren traced the side of her face with his finger tips, he didn't want her to leave. 

"I probably should be going," Lena whispered climbing out of the bed. He watched her get up with her smirking at him. 

Ren felt something change in Lena's emotions and he could see it on her face too. Sadness. "What's going to happen now?"

He didn't even know. He couldn't even think about what would happen. If Snoke found out about this then they were doomed. Ren could not let him find out.

"I don't know," he looked away towards the floor. Part of him hated this new part of him that cared, it's so much harder to care then to not care at all.  When Ren thought back to how he acted just a year it disgusted him. Sure, he had still felt the pull to the light but it didn't hurt, not like this.

Behind him, Lena pulled her clothes back on. Ren could feel her watching him but he didn't look up. He loved her and he didn't know what he would do if something happened to her. 

"Hey, it's going to be okay. You can still come back to the base," her voice trailed off. Ren knew she meant it with all of her heart, but he still couldn't go back not now, not ever. He deserved whatever punishment that they could give him, but Ren was still a coward. He couldn't face his mom, that would be the worst of the punishment.

Lena crouched down in front of him and put her hands on his face. Ren smiled at her, her eyes had dark circles underneath them and she looked tired but still just as beautiful as ever. He pushed his lips against hers and held on tightly. She melted into him as his hands worked their way up her back. 

Ren pulled her closer to him so that she was practically on top of him. His mouth moved away from hers and to Lena's neck. "I need to go," she whispered. 

"Stay," Ren's voice came out hoarse and muffled against her shoulder. 

"Maybe," her voice trailed off as an alarm went off from the other room. Ren shot straight up like someone dumped ice down his back. Snoke couldn't know, there was no way he could know. "Ben?" Lena sounded scared and almost betrayed. "What's going on?"

"It's an incoming message alarm. Someone is coming, we have to move quickly."