Gang leader Vs. Gang leader

18

I sigh softly throwing the small files of every Daren in the area not finding anything about the jackass I'm looking for. I rest my arm on my desk stretched out and rest my head on my cheek on top of my closed laptop. I can't fucking find him no matter where I look. I know I should probably let it go since I tortured his brother to death and burned him alive, but the cunt killed my family. I run my finger over the wood of my desk, staring down. I wonder where I'd be now if my family was still alive. Would I still be in a gang? Yeah, but my parents would've probably handle all this shit. Would I've ever met Xander? I bet that if I didn't meet Xander I'd be a lot more sane right now. Man, he's a giant idiot, but he's my idiot. Wait, fuck, no he's not my idiot. I didn't say that he can fuck off for all I care.

I sit up rubbing my face and taking a deep breath, I'm sick of this shit. I don't want to look for Daren anymore, yes I want him dead but I just I don't want to look anymore. Maybe I should just give up, killing him won't bring my family back. Revenge would be fucking amazing but it's just I don't feel like trying anymore. I'm sick of having to find new ways to torture people, like paralyzing Zach? I've never done that before, what if I actually killed the fucker? I wouldn't have gotten any fucking information. Everyday it's like the same thing now, I find out there's a problem, torture, and kill a few people and it's fixed. It drains too much out of me, it's a routine, I'm tired of the screaming.

I don't want to do this anymore, I want a full night sleep with someone I love and not waking up the next day wondering who am I gonna kill next. I want to go to bed feeling safe and warm, happy. I don't want to hurt people, no matter what I do I honestly don't enjoy it. Anymore at least. I want to have stay in and eat junk food with Xander-- Xander? I sit up straight looking at my desk with a confused face. I want to do all the sappy crap with Xander?

"No no I'm just tired haven't slept in a while." I mumble to myself shaking my head and rub my eyes. There's no way I want to be with Xander, yeah he's adorable, funny, an idiot, and-- No. Nope nope nope. I hit my head gently trying to shake those thoughts out then look up when I hear the door open.

"I want no protests, no talking back, just silence, and you to follow me. Understood?" Xander walks in and walks over to me grabbing my hand pulling me out of my chair, grabbing my shoes and pulls me out of my office. I open my mouth and he gives me a hard stare causing me to close my mouth and follow him out of the house. He pulls me to his car and opens the door for me, I get in hesitantly, he puts my shoes in my lap and I put them on as he walks around getting in. He starts the car and begins driving, we sit there in complete silence. I watch as we past a few houses and turn on to a dirt road, I begin gripping my seat feeling myself get anxious as we drive down a familiar path.

"No. Turn this car around. No." I grip my seat tighter feeling my heart clench and I stare desperately at Xander but he stares straight ahead, driving. "I'm serious turn the fucking car around."

"How long?" He asks still driving with a tone of voice that I can't really determine.

"How long?" My heart keeps beating at a quick pace and I feel my hands begin to sweat.

"How long has it been?" He drives to the side and parks the car staring at me. We're here.

"6 years." I feel my heart clench again and Xander gets out of the car walking around and opening my door, I stay in place.

"That's too long Aria. Come on." He holds his hand out and I shake my head feeling my hands begin to shake. "Please?" I grab his hand, mine shaking violently, and get out of the car. He closes the door and we begin walking down along side the smaller dirt road. I take deep breathes trying to count in my head. In 1, 2, 3, 4. Out 1, 2, 3, 4. It's not helping. I grip Xander's hand tighter and walk closer to him, he places his other hand on top of mine, trying to soothe me.

We walk up the hill until we reach a secluded area and I hold my breath staring at Four headstones. I feel my legs gets weaker, but I feel myself frozen in place, and I don't know what to do. Four headstones for four family members. My father, mother, brother, and sister. It's been 6 years since I last came here and that was for the funeral, I dove my self into the gang to forget everything that happened. I didn't want to face the fact that they were gone and now I'm here, with the guy I'm suppose to hate. And he's the only thing keeping me from falling apart. I keep staring at the headstones a burning and giant lump forming in my throat; all the people I love, together. I look up at Xander my eyes filling up with tears, all the people I love. And-- And I think this Idiot is apart of it. He looks back at me with a sad expression and I throw my arms around his shoulders silent tears beginning to stream down. He wraps his arms around me to keep me up as I lean against him.

"Why?" I choke out quietly gripping the back of his shirt and I hear him sigh. I'm not asking why they're gone.

"Because I know how you feel right now. You needed to see them, you need to realize that they're gone but you're still alive and I'm here with you. Stop holding on to the fact that they're gone and embrace the fact that they were in your life. Without them you wouldn't be here, and yes, they're not here now but you are. Every time I see you, I see you become weaker and weaker. I see it in your eyes. And I know it's because you still hold on every ounce of guilt and pain that you weren't there for them." He pulls away slightly and cups my face wiping my tears away causing me to drop my arms and hug my stomach. "Look, Aria, you and I... We're bother wearing down there's no doubt in that. We're in our 20's and already have the stress of a thousand people. And it doesn't help that we hold on to our shitty pasts. I brought you here because I don't want to see you suffer anymore. I care about you more everyday and I don't how to stop it and most of the time I don't know how to help you, but I honestly feel like this will, because it helped me. I saw my family's grave today, and now it's your turn." He let's go of my cheeks kissing my forehead and I hiccup quietly turning my head to look at the headstones again.

I leave one arm around my stomach and bend my arm so I can bite the nail of my thumb and begin slowly walking towards them. I walk up until I'm in front of all of them and bite my nail harder trying to keep myself from crying again. I pull my hand away and hug my other around my stomach tightly gripping my shirt and feel myself begin to hiccup again. I take a deep breath, calming myself down and open my mouth.

"I haven't seen you guys in a while." I laugh softly, talking in a soft cracked voice. "I grew up... I almost made our gang number one, like you've always dreamed about- always talked about... I got shot a while ago. You were right it does hurt like a bitch." I laugh again still trying to keep from crying and sit down on the grass slowly staring at my father's headstone. "I remember everything you taught me, I still use it every single day. Even if it's just me tearing up a box of cereal." I look to my mother. "I still remember how beautiful you are. I wish-- I wish I looked more like you.. So I at least could catch a glimpse of you everyday when I look in the mirror. Or I even wish you could scream at me one more time telling me to brush my hair." I turn to look at my brother and sister, I feel tears slipping down my cheeks. "You guys were too young.. I'm so sorry, I tried. I tried running but I couldn't make it in time... You guys were too young to die, it should've been me. Not you two, the most cheerful, amazing kids in the world despite being in a gang family. If you were here I'd sing you that dumb song every second you ask. If you were here I'd-- I just want you here." I sob out and begin crying harder.

"Sh, sh, come on." Xander sits down next to me and wraps his arms around me gently. I cry in to his shoulder but I feel him turn his body, then he begins to talking to them. "I'm Xander Adams, Leader of the Blue Bloods. Kinda like your daughter and sisters' rival gang. You guys probably don't know me, my parents gang wasn't big enough during the time you were alive. I just wanted to say you raised an amazing daughter. And I can't thank you enough for bringing her to me. I don't know where I'd be today without the person I love with all my heart." I freeze still hiccuping quietly and stare up at him.

"Wait-- what?" I breathe out.

"Well.. Okay- listen, I know it's too soon to say I love you and we aren't even dating but I mean when have we ever played by the books? I just... I guess there's no taking it back now.. If you don't uh I-" I grab the front of his shirt and pull him towards me, pressing my lips against his. He kisses back instantly wrapping his arms around me and I pull away resting my forehead against his. I close my eyes sniffling quietly and grip his shirt tighter, sighing loudly. I honestly think I love him too, and I'm so screwed.