I only had one set of clothing. As a slave, I needed no more. My dress was a lovely blue-gray that did terrible things to my milky brown skin; my sash and underclothing were white with a frill of handmade lace at the edges. My sandals were made of bamboo and my cloak was a dark, almost-black gray that made my hair shine like ink.
Fortunately, I also had a black sash for more solemn occasions. Being as long as it was, it could double as a shawl or headcloth. This, along with my dress and cloak, would be suitably dark to help me on my mission tonight. I did not want to be stopped by the curfew agents, let alone the military. Being out after sundown was a punishable offence for all women and certain death for slaves (unless they carried a scroll with the wax seal of the Emperor - nothing less would do).
But my mission was worth it. My brother, my handsome, strong, willful brother, was worth it.
Our remote location helped my confidence some too.
My brother and I had shared everything from as far back as I could remember - starting with our parentage and skin colour, and ending with a ragged gray cloak and a walk to the market (the slave market to be more obviously specific). We had been outcasts together, ridiculed together and sold together. Unfortunately, it ended there. We were not bought together.
This I think I could have borne if only my mother - our mother - knew where we had ended up. But she did not - could not - know since no one from the Estate where she was enslaved (our very birthplace) was present at our sale. Her last memory would be of us being torn from her arms, wailing and sobbing, condemned to the market by her Master, our father. Having initiated our sale at the earliest opportunity, I doubt he cared. He certainly would never have informed her of our whereabouts. Why would he? We were slaves and slaves were entitled to nothing, including family, emotions and a sense of belonging.
Still, our luck wasn't all bad. The Estates that purchased us were down the road from each other. Sure, "down the road" meant a two hour walk in hilly, deserted country, but at least we were within reach of each other. We stayed in contact throughout it all.
That is, we stayed in contact up until three weeks ago. Since then, I hadn't heard or seen anything from or of him. Not one word, note or mark left in the sand of the riverbank out back. This last one was our favourite mode of communication: one of us would leave a subtle but unmistakable imprint in the soft silt of the River Tsun which cut through the eastern meadow of my Master's land and served as a boundary between my Master's land and my brother's Master's Estate.
To say I was worried was a severe understatement.
Tonight's excursion was just one small step in determining what had happened to Junil. However, the first step began at home (or what constituted as "home" for me at this point in time). Sneaking away from the Estate would be relatively easy compared to explaining myself to Kallie. As roommates, it would be impossible to hide my excursion from her, even if I was only gone for a couple of hours (and I wasn't so sure I would be that quick).
I still hadn't decided what to tell her. If I was lucky enough to sneak out without confrontation, my absence was sure to be questioned when I returned. Could I admit the truth? Or something close to it? Or would a blatant lie be safer for both of us? The last thing I wanted was to endanger both of us (and not just because the household would crumble without the two of us dilligently slaving away but also because I considered her my one and only true friend).
Kallie walked into our room as I was debating this very dilemma. Her thick golden braid - the same colour as the carpet of gingko leaves trodden underfoot in autumn - bounced against her shoulder as she stopped abruptly on the threshold. Her buttery brown eyes fixed me in place, my white sash trailing to the floor as I swapped it in favour of the darker shade. Slowly, she closed the door behind her back, her eyes never wavering from mine.
She didn't need to say anything. She simply jutted her chin out, motioning at my "evening wear," the question in her eyes. I shrugged, buying time. What do I tell her? What would she believe, besides the truth? Her one-eyebrow-raised-frown brushed aside any allusions I had of fooling her. Weak excuses and lies would not do. Kallie could always suss out the truth. Plus, she knew me too well, during the very period where I was just learning how to lie with conviction. Lying wasn't an option when you were a slave.
Unable to admit defeat, I tried my safest option. Shrugging, I told her not to worry. "I'll be back before midnight, I promise."
Kallie's second eyebrow raised and her eyes narrowed. Not good. I would not be getting out easily. But I could give it a good try.
"Seriously, you definitely shoudn't know anyway. And yes, I realize that makes it sound dangerous and it really isn't, but in the odd chance that I do get caught, I want you to be able to deny any prior knowledge."
"This is about Junil."
Not a question. Kallie knew I hadn't heard from him in weeks, even though I hadn't said anything about it. Indeed, I hardly ever talked about Junil, my brother, preferring to keep him all to myself. We were family and that was a rare and special thing for one such as me. Sharing was out of the question. Still, I had mentioned from time to time that we were in contact, and she had picked up on my worry through no words of my own. There was no need for me to admit it and no point in denying. I said nothing and tried not to let my plan write itself in my features as I wrapped my sable scarf around my head and shoulders.
"I'm coming with you then."
I should have known. Kallie needed to be involved in everything and the fact that she was nearly a decade older than me made her an annoyingly protecting older (surrogate) sister. But she should know better than this. She has had plenty of experience with my stubborness and unwillingness to share my family with others, outsiders. Not to mention the small fact that we were the head house slaves, the first link in the chain of duty.
"You know you can't. If anyone needs one of us tonight, it has to be you. You need to cover for me or else all is lost." My choice of wording was deliberate. Kallie needed to know that she was essential to my plan right where she was, within the Tsao Estate. The tightness in her face told me she knew this and didn't like it one bit. I could see excuses pass through her mind, rejected one by one. There was no other way. She knew I had to do this alone.
Without admitting so, she stepped forward and took the ends of my sash in her hands, rearranging the complicated loops and folds that I had bungled in my nervousness and that would cover me from prying eyes. I was grateful for her help as my hands were shaking badly - not that I expected any trouble. It should be smooth sailing.
Should be. But when do things really ever go according to plan?
