I've Never Cried

Chapter Forty-four - "Bleeding."

"I've Never Cried"

Chapter Forty-four

'Bleeding.'

Scene...

Meanwhile

Nick's POV

I watched a rarely seen angry Joe storm his way back to the driver's side of his car, Demi scurrying in just before him. The intensity and anger of the last few moments was still floating in the air, despite the fact the Joe's car had already left the driveway. Selena stood before me, her eyes following the vehicle as it disappeared. 

"It's probably best you leave, " I said to her, my voice stern. After a beat, she turned back toward me, and I watched as the bruises on her face began to darken. 

"Why won't you just hear me, Nick?" She took a step toward me, but I kept my arms crossed, my face emotionless as she came nearer. "I never even got a chance to explain."

"What is there to explain? You cheated on me, twice, with my brother." That wasn't technically true, but I kept my voice flat, in an effort to amplify how much I truly was not interested in the conversation. "You JUST admitted that you wanted Joe more than you wanted me, and that you had planned this all along. What else could you possibly say?"

Her eyes were already drenched in tears, but I wasn't like my brother. I didn't have a soft spot for crying women like he did; especially not for Selena. She'd hurt me on purpose, and didn't look back until she was caught. In my eyes, she didn't deserve any chances.

"Wow," she said, shaking her head as she wiped her tears.

"What?" I asked.

Selena came closer to me - about an arm's length away - and began to choke up as she spoke.

"I'm not going to apologize for what I did, Nick. Because I can't. Okay? If I did, you wouldn't believe me anyway, so what's the point?" She glanced down at her palm, saw that it was bleeding, closed her fingers over it, and rolled her eyes as she continued. "I'm not here to try and be with you again, or to make up any excuses for what I've done. But I wanted to make sure that you at least understood that everything I felt for you was real."

I wasn't sure if it was because I was pissed, but I couldn't quite grasp what her point was. She wasn't apologizing, but she was informing me? It didn't make any sense, and stupidly, I asked for clarity anyway.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nick, did you seriously think that I didn't have feelings for you the entire time we were together? I cared about you-,"

"What, until you saw my brother again? Then it just stopped?" 

I could feel my emotions beginning to break through the careless face I was putting on. My voice began to raise. "Selena I loved you. You were the only girl I ever saw a future with and you absolutely ripped any chance we had to shreds."

"Because I was wrong, Nick! I thought I loved you too, but I was wrong! And I didn't realize it until I saw Joe again." She sniffled, and I could tell she was trying to keep her composure, but she was falling apart at the seams. 

Her voice became quieter. "I know that I hurt you, and you're right, I didn't care about the consequences. And I KNOW that it will hurt you even more when I say this, but I owe you my honesty." I felt my eyebrows raise as I waited for whatever she had to say.  She took a breath, locking eyes with mine as she spoke. "The way that you loved me, is the way that I have always loved your brother. And that still hasn't changed."

I didn't think it was possible, but my heart split even more. Up until that moment, I thought I had gotten over Selena on my own terms. But hearing her openly admit that she didn't ever actually love me, reopened a wound I didn't know was still there. My anger morphed into a lump in my throat that I forced back down as I squeezed out a response.

"I see," I muttered, my gaze falling to the grass beneath me. 

"But I want to be clear," she rushed to say, noticing my expression. "I'm not saying that I never cared about you, Nick. I just . . . I didn't realize that my love that I thought I had for you, was actually already given to someone else. THAT'S what I'm sorry for."

"I get it," I said, looking back into her eyes. When Selena had first broken up with me, I had so much confusion that she'd inflicted upon me. But hearing her explanation for how she felt provided me my solution. While her plans were dirty, and her selfishness pulled her away, her breaking up with me was her way of sparing my feelings. 

In a twisted way, it made sense. In her mind, she was doing me a favor, and that would be the extent of any true sincerity that Selena could ever possibly possess.

She cracked a tiny sympathetic smile that quickly disappeared.

"For what it's worth," she began, sniffling once more. "My heart is broken too. Joe loves Demi, and I knew I couldn't change that, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself I could."

"If that helps you feel better at all, I'll know that I did something right." She started to head for her car, her head low as she slightly limped.

"Sel, wait," I said, even surprising myself. She stopped walking, but didn't turn around. I sighed. "Your hand looks pretty bad. I've got a first aid kit in the house. Let me help."

Slowly she turned back to me, that same false smile reappearing on her lips for only a second.

"Thanks."

JJDL