justin
"She's beautiful."
I groaned at the dinner table.
"How many times are you gonna say that?"
She laughed,"Is she your girlfriend?" She asked. "No!" I think I was the only 22 year old man who still got interrogated by his mother.
"Okay, okay. Sorry," she said, and before I knew it she was hugging me and kissing me a bunch of times. "Mama!" I groaned, annoyed. "What?" She smiled,"I'm just happy for you, alright? She's your first friend."
"I'm leaving," I announced, getting up and walking away. She giggled,"I'm happy for you, son."
***
evelyn
"There you are," my mom said once I walked in the door. She stood and gave me a hug and I hugged her back. "Hi, mama," I said, hanging up my jacket. "Where were you?"
"Just dropping off a friend. Did Chanel keep you company?" She chuckled,"Chanel always keeps me company, you know that."
I smiled and sat down on the couch. "Good."
"How are you?"
"I'm fine, just wondering why you're here," I told her honestly.
"Well, I was in town for business and I just thought I'd come to see my daughter."
"Oh."
"You know, your father wanted to come with me."
"He's not allowed in my home," I tensed up. She sighed,"He's deeply sorry for what he did, Evelyn."
"I don't care, ma. You're lucky I forgave you for believing him and for putting him before me. But I'll never ever forgive him, I don't care."
"Evelyn, I know what your father did was wrong. But he repented for his sin and he's deeply sorry--"
"Sorry won't change anything! It isn't an erase button, ma. That's the reason I'm the way I am today. A big box of confusion. The reason I smile at everyone but deep inside I'm so hurt."
"Evelyn--"
"You know how much pain that man caused me?" I stopped to take a deep breath,"Is that why you're here? To get me to forgive that man?" I asked, disgusted.
"I just came to see my child, Evelyn. You don't come to see us anymore."
"Why would I want to?" I asked loudly. Chanel walked in with two cups of water. She sat them down and then looked at us,"Is everything okay?"
"Oh, I was just gonna ... leave, Chanel. But thank you for the hospitality, it's always a pleasure seeing you," she hugged her. Chanel hugged her back but she looked at me with big eyes,"You too, Mrs. Summers."
My mom bent over and hugged me while I sat down, still as a rock except for my shaking leg and the tears sliding down my face. She kissed my face and walked out with a sad sigh.
"Are you okay, Evelyn?" Chanel asked sincerely. I stood and wiped my tears,"I'm fine."
"It's okay to cry, Evelyn. You hold too much in anyways."
"I said I'm fine!" I shouted, storming off. I walked to my room and slammed the door behind me, making the walls shake. I sat down on my bed and looked at a picture of me and my family when I was 6 years old -- me, my mom, and him.
I remember the way his cold eyes stared at me, and the way I bit my lip when I was uncomfortable. I was doing it in the picture. He wants to see me, psht. Why? To make me rethink about those horrid memories that can't escape my head at night? No thank you.
That man was nothing more than a sperm donor to my mother in my opinion, not a father. Not my father. I don't need him. I never will.
I took the photo out the frame and ripped the entire left side, the side where my 'daddy' was standing. I crumbled it up and tossed it in the wastebasket.
Next, I looked at myself. Instead of an innocent, adorable 6 year old girl like everyone else saw, I saw someone who was deeply hurt, afraid, and even a little confused. I remember feeling abandoned, like I had no one there for me. No one to talk to, no one to hug when I needed one or no one to cry to. I was all alone, and I still am.
So, to answer Justin's previous question, that's why. That's the reason I'm always smiling. If I cry or show even a little bit of sadness, it won't matter. Because no one will be there to help or hold me, just like back then.
I couldn't stay in this house thinking about this for a minute longer. I needed to be around someone who I could make feel better. And the first person who popped into my head was Justin.
I slid on some shoes and put on a different hoodie since I didn't want to go back downstairs to avoid Chanel. I didn't want her to see me like this.
I climbed out the window and took the short jump to the ground, and from there I ran to my car and sped off to the only place I wanted to go to.
When I got there, I dialed his number and after a couple rings, he answered. "Hello?"
"Hey," I said, trying not to sniffle,"Are you busy?"
"I'm only busy when I'm with you," he chuckled,"What's wrong? Is your mom still there?"
"Nah," I said,"She left. Can I uh. . . come over?"
"Um, are you sure that you want to? There's nothing to do here, and my embarrassing mom is here."
I smiled,"I happen to love Ms. Pattie. Now I definitely want to come over."
"Okay, well I don't mind."
"Great, I'm outside."
He laughed,"What?"
"Just open the door, noodle head." I hung up and got out of my car. I walked over to his door and he poked his head out the door before letting me in.
"Evelyn, back so soon?" Ms. Pattie called.
Justin groaned,"Time to go."
I laughed and hugged Ms. Pattie,"Wait, Justin!" I scolded him and then smiled at his mother,"How are you, Ms. Pattie?"
"Oh, I'm grand, Ms. Evelyn."
"Don't call me Ms., makes me feel old," I teased, making her laugh. Justin grinned, leading me up to his room.
"You two want some snacks?" Pattie asked. "No, we're grown."
I giggled,"No thank you, Ms. Pattie." And Justin shut the door behind us.
"Nice room," I told him. It was kind of plain; red walls, wood shelves on the walls, a tv, and a dresser. But I guess it was his taste and contentment.
"Thank you," he said,"Have a seat." I sat down on his bed and looked around as he laid vertically on the other side.
"So, whats the matter?" He asked. "Nothing," I shrugged.
He gave me a look,"That's an issue."
I raised an eyebrow,"What is?"
"You don't show your feelings, and I know for a fact that isn't healthy."
"Cause there's nothing wrong, Justin," I said with a soft giggle.
"We're so focused on me trying to have fun, we need to get you to show your feelings."
"Try whatever you want, but I'm telling you there is nothing wrong."
"And I don't believe it for a minute."
"Why don't you?" I questioned.
"Cause I know what it's like not to show feelings and to hide emotions."
Thoughts?
