TOO GOOD ━ SUGG. ✓

chapter twenty-six

JOE SUGG'S POV
Three weeks.

Three weeks of emptiness.

Three weeks of feeling lonely.

Three weeks of endless crying.

Three weeks without Alyssa by my side.

While everyone battled their own emotions in the past three weeks, I was trying hard to stay strong and be the reassuring person. Yet, each time I told Zoë or Alfie or even Troye that she would be okay, Alyssa would only get worse and so would I.

I stopped telling everyone that she was okay and when they needed someone to turn to, I wasn't there. I was amongst them.

Now everyone was realizing that she was slipping away, and I was the one that was in denial.

Everyone had already given up at her. Zoë, Alfie and Alyssa's parents went back to Brighton and they rarely visited. Caspar stayed at home. Both Troye and Connor stopped calling and texting me. Dan and Phil rarely messaged me--although they seemed pretty concerned about her on Twitter--and even Marcus--who had seen her lying on the street covered in blood--gave up on her.

The only person that cared for her was me.

I quickly dismissed the thought, suddenly sad as I thought about the situation that I was currently in. I wasn't about to make myself think that they didn't care for her, because I knew that they did. We were all just handling it in our own ways.

I was just fighting harder than the rest.

I took a deep breath as I walked into her room, holding a photo album under my arm and my phone in my hand. It never got any easier when I saw her, lying in the hospital bed, eyes closed, face pale, fingers cold. The only clear indication that she was still alive was the soft steady sound of her heart beat.

"It's just me today," I said softly, placing the photo album on the table beside me. I pulled up a chair to her bedside and grabbed her hand once again.

"I hope that doesn't disappoint you," I said softly, chuckling to myself, "I'm sure that they would be here if they could."

"All of us are just dealing with it, in different ways. It's getting harder to see you like this Alyssa, but I'm trying my best to make sure that you have someone here with you always..." I trailed off as I looked up at her, on the verge of tears once again. This wasn't foreign to me at all because over the past three weeks I would always end up crying whether I wanted to or not.

"I haven't been able to do much. I've been putting off videos and using the same excuse over and over again. I haven't been able to get myself out except for coming here. I'm shattering, Alyssa."

I ran my thumb up and down her hand as I held it tightly, afraid to let go. I pursed my lips together and nuzzled her hand in mine. I stood up abruptly and walked to the wall opposite of her bed and slammed my hand into it.

"I can't do this alone. I'm breaking apart and everyone that's supposed to be here for you isn't here. They all gave up, Alyssa. They don't believe that you're going to make it and if I'm being brutally honest here, I'm not too sure myself. Yet, here I fucking am, reliving the same day over and over again and trying to recall all of the best moments of my life which all just happen to include you in it. You changed my life forever, and now, you are my life."