Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 136

When we board the train, Peeta makes a bee-line for the back car and I lay Willow down in the soft, pink crib that sits in the main car. After contemplating about it for several minutes, I decide to follow Peeta. 

He sits with his back towards me and he doesn't look up when the door opens to let me in. I silently sit down in a red, velvet chair across from his so he's practically forced to look at me. Still, he keeps his eyes trained on the floor. "How are you?" he asks. 

I'm not quite sure what to say because I honestly don't know how I feel. When I don't reply he says, "God, Katniss. Now you're ignoring me? I should be the one ignoring you. But I guess I'm the only one of us that has the decency to be kind to the other." 

"I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry about what I said, but I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Well, you seemed to have meant it yesterday!" he exclaims, standing from his chair. 

"Because I thought that it would be easier if you hated me. I thought that it wouldn't matter and that I was protecting you. I've always tried to protect you!"

"That's hilarious, Katniss. You didn't care. You just wanted to make it easier for yourself. I tried to help and comfort you. And look at the thanks I got," he says, shaking his head. 

"How dare you say that to me! I was upset! And I thought if I let myself get hurt, it would prevent you from doing the same. I wasn't making it easier for myself, I was making it harder. I was trying to take your pain so you didn't have to carry it. I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean for it to cause you a flashback like that," I cry. 

"You never mean it. But it happens," he mumbles, gazing out the window. 

"I know. Everything always goes wrong when I'm involved. No matter how hard I try, I always make it worse. I shouldn't be here. I'm just a burden on all of you. I should have died a long time ago. And I'm sorry you were stuck with me. I'm sorry." 

Peeta closes his eyes and rests his head against the train car's wall. I bite the inside of my cheek to try and keep myself from sobbing. I can't let myself break down if he decides he doesn't want me anymore. I have to control myself, at least until I get out of here. 

"Look, Katniss. I'm sorry for what I said. I know you were upset about everything yesterday. And I know it was just the Capitol getting inside your head. But I can't keep watching you tear yourself apart like this. It never ends well, not for anyone. I need you to know that we all love you so much. You are loved, wanted, and needed by us. And it pains all of us to see you this way," he says. "You aren't perfect. You've made mistakes. You've hurt people. You've loved and lost and you've done some awful things. But so has everyone. I have too. If there's anyone that you can talk to about all of this, it's me. I just wish you'd realize it." After he finishes speaking he stands and exits the car, leaving me speechless in his wake. 

***

Later that night, after I finally make peace with myself and everyone else, I go to find Peeta. He's exactly where I thought he'd be; in Willow's temporary, dimly lit nursery. What's supposed to be our bedroom is connected by a simple wooden door. "Peeta," I whisper, careful not to wake Willow. He turns away from her crib to look at me. 

"Hi," he says, finally managing to look me in the eyes. Once again, I can't find the right words to say to him. So instead, I take three large steps forward and wrap my arms tightly around his neck. After hesitating for just a second, he protectively entwines his arms around my waist. 

"I'm so sorry, Peeta. I understand if you can't forgive me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. You're right. It was the Capitol messing with my head again. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I didn't try to. I love you so much. I'm sorry," I whisper, my chin resting on his shoulder. 

"Katniss, of course I forgive you. I love you," he says. I smile and press my forhead against his chest, over his heart. He kisses the top of my head and we sway in the nursery, as if we are dancing to music that no one can hear. We stay that way for what feels like hours, until he lifts me in his arms and carries me into our bedroom next door. It would be completely dark if it weren't for the dimly lit lamp by the window that is slightly ajar on the opposite side of the room. 

Peeta gingerly sets me down on the bed, moves my hair away from my face, and kisses my forehead. He turns off the lamp and wraps me in his strong arms. "I hope you realize how loved you are, Katniss. I'm so in love with you. I will always be so in love with you. Never forget that."

As he's speaking, I'm practically fighting to stay awake. It feels as though all of the strength that I had in me has exited my body. When he pauses, I muster up a last bit of energy and whisper three words as soft as the wind on a warm spring night before I drift off into sweet slumber, "I love you." 

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Awww omg so much fluff. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Like I said last week, there are still a few things left that I absolutely need to do with this book but I would still love to hear more of your ideas!! Also, expect a small time jump in the next chapter. I'm not talking major, it'll probably be about like 3 months maybe ? It'll make sense when it happens though :)

 Thanks for reading, be sure to vote and comment any feedback/ideas you have for me!! 

Lots and lots of love, 

-booklover2019