lost and found | gilinsky

6.2

That is what I do. What I've been doing since the start of the summer. I can only count the amount of times we've gotten intimate since then on one hand, but that doesn't make it okay. We're not even together. I guess it just took her to snap at me about it to realize how it was effecting her, and how it could possibly be effecting me.

"I don't mean to..." is all I can manage to say. "I won't anymore." 

"I understand that you're horrible at dealing with your emotions," Mallory explains. "You need to find a better coping mechanism - as do I...and I think reaching out to Hannah would only be the beginning for you. With me it's like you're trying to live in the past; I won't let you get away with it anymore." 

I let her words seep in, trying to fully understand them. No one's ever been so straight forward with me and told me like it was. Not like this. Truthfully, I hadn't even noticed what I'd been doing. I'd just been doing it because it's what I'm used to. It's what works - or in this case worked.

"I'm glad that after everything that's happened we're still able to be friendly with one another," she continues, "but that's all I want. I don't want to rebuild our old relationship. I need closure, and you've been able to give it to me. I'm thankful for that, I only hope that I could do the same for you. You literally saved me, Jack. Twice now. I owe you, which is why I'm trying to get you to at least acknowledge Hannah. Please get that through your thick, stubborn skull."

"Aren't you a book full of words today?" I joke, almost coughing because of how dry my mouth has gotten. 

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just really needed to get that off my chest."

I shake my head, rolling my lips together. "No, no. I think I needed that just as much as you did. Thank you." 

"I hope you get everything that you're looking for in life, you deserve to be happy," she muses, locking eyes with me. "I'll see you tomorrow?" 

"Tomorrow," I agree, getting out of the car. I watch as she drives away and shoots me a quick wave before focusing all of her attention on the road ahead of her. 

Taking a deep breath I walk through up my driveway and pull out my phone, hovering over Hannah's name in my contact list for only a minute before typing out a text to her, praying Mallory meant every word of what she said, and I'm not making a huge mistake. 

Hannah

    Hey

Hey. Out of all the words and sentences and phrases he could've strung together. He said: Hey. And still, even with those three little letters he was able to get my head spinning.

"What's your deal?" Kendal asks, noticing my sudden shift in emotion.

"I don't have a deal," I say, placing my phone back in my pocket in attempt to ignore the harsh pounding in my chest.

"You've had a deal since last night, sweet pea. Tell me what's going on." 

"Why don't we ever talk about you?" I fret, cocking my head to the side.

"Hannah. Are you kidding. We're always talking about me."

"No. We're always talking about your sex life. There's a difference ya'know." 

Kendal rolls her eyes, propping her feet up on the plastic chair beside her. We're at the town pool right now. It's late and empty and I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to be here, but the gate was open and the lights were on, so we took our chance. 

This is only the second time I've been here. The first time being when I ran into Jack Gilinsky and he confronted me about the whole Johnson situation. Damn, that seemed like forever ago. I remember how pissed Nadia got about it; she ignored me for almost two days.