Antidote

Chapter 10

This is it. It's now or never. I can either take a risk and let him kiss me, or I can be cautious and send him away. I know for a fact that I can break him right now, with some well-chosen words. But the question is, do I want to?

Be logical! My brain screams.

Go for it! My heart crys.

Which one do I listen to?

I close my eyes, trying to decide. I've always been one to listen to my brain at times like this, but to do so now would just feel so wrong! I let out a soft whimper. Tristan's concerned voice snaps me from my thoughts. "Are you all right?" "Oh!" I say, scrambling off of him. "Um, yes, um, I'm fine." He gives me a worried look before picking himself up. I close my eyes, terribly pained by what I need to do right now. I let out a long, low sigh. I open my eyes to tell him, but he's gone. I realize that he's probably gone to clean up. I sit down on the small island in the center of our kitchen, head in hands.

***

When Tristan comes back, every trace of flour is gone from his clothes. They're pressed clean and he's spotless. I've cleaned up myself, too. I put on a pair of grungy old sweatpants and a hoodie. There is no more food on me. The kitchen, however, is a different story.

Flour and powdered sugar dusts the countertops and the floor. A cascade of whipped cream drips down from one of the cabinets. Globs of ketchup are flung every which way. Egg yolks and eggshells decorate the entire kitchen. Basically, it's all a huge mess.

Tristan surveys the kitchen with wary eyes. "Your mom's gonna freak if we don't clean this up," he remarks. I nod mutely. He begins to scrape some of the eggshells from the counters. I watch, trying to settle the raging internal battle. He looks back at me and asks with some annoyance, "Aren't you gonna help?" I take a deep breath, trying to decide. He's attractive, charming, kind, generous, smart, sweet, and understanding. Basically everything I've ever wanted in a guy.

But I'll just get my heart broken if I keep hanging out with him. Maybe it'd be better for both of us if I just push him away while I'm still capable of doing so. Yes, that's exactly what I need to do. It's what's best for us, both of us.

So I turn to face him, taking a deep breath. I say, with pain but determination, "You should leave." I can already feel the tears tugging at my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of him. He won't understand why I'm crying, either. He turns so he's looking at me, confused. He looks a bit hurt, too, which stabs at my heart, but I know I need to be strong. He finally finds his voice and asks, "Why do you want me to go away?" As much as it hurts deep inside, I know that this is for my own good. So I speak in a strong, confident voice, not showing any signs of weakness or second thoughts. "I want it because this won't ever work, Tristan. You're popular and I'm not. I don't want to get my heart broken. I can't play this game with you, Tristan. So, please, go away and leave me alone."

His gaze locks with mine, his eyes burning into mine intensely. His confused expression morphs into one of hurt and sadness. Quiet resignation takes over his features, and his shoulders slump. I have to look away. I can't look at him like this. He's quiet for several seconds before he softly asks his final question. "Are you sure?" Afraid to speak, I nod. He hesitates, then whispers, "Okay." I watch as he turns, sprints towards the door, and runs out of my house and out of my life.

Tristan's p.o.v

I know I'm going to come off like a girl when I say this, but OMFG! Not that I didn't see this coming. Honestly, I've been with this type of girl before. I know she's not going to trust me right away, which is why I probably shouldn't have tried to kiss her. Yet I did. And now I have to pay the consequences.

It kind of hurts a bit, but I knew it would. It hurt when Alicia pushed me away, too. But I brought her back to me. And I'll do the same for Alex. Fate is always on my side, in cases like this. Destiny always brings us together, and I know it will. I just have to wait.

Alex's p.o.v

I did it. I sent my one and only crush away. How stupid do I get? You were just protecting yourself, my brain reminds me. I'm laying on the floor, sobbing. No matter if it was for my own good or not, pushing him away still hurts like a bitch. I miss him already. If he was here, we'd be talking and joking as we cleaned the kitchen. But, no, because of me he's not here. And what will become of us at school? Will he ignore me? Talk to me? Talk about me? I feel as if my head will explode with all of the unanswerable questions. I want so much to cut, but I know I can't. Too many scars, and I won't be able to cover them all up. So I go to my other resource. I take out my tub of Cookies and Cream ice cream and retreat to my room.

Once there, I turn my music on and start to eat. I crank the volume up high. Suddenly Call Me Maybe comes on and I groan through a mouthful of ice cream. Yet two seconds later I'm up on my bed, grooving to the beat and belting out the lyrics with force.

I threw a wish in the well,

Don't ask me I'll never tell,

I looked to you as it fell,

And now you're in my way.

I trade my soul for a wish,

Pennies and dimes for a kiss,

I wasn't looking for this,

But now you're in my way.

Your stare was holding,

Ripped jeans,

Skin was showing,

Hot night,

Wind was blowing,

Where you think you're going, baby?

Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me maybe.

It's hard to look right at you baby,

But here's my number,

"SO CALL ME MAYBE!" I scream, louder than the music and Carly Rae Jepsen combined.

***