Fragile // Sequel to Torn

9. |

Once I am a little way down the beach, I sit. I have to do this or I'll never move on.

"Hey, Kade." I say as if he were sitting next to me. "How are you up there? Is it nice?" I ramble, trying to procrastinate as much as I possibly can before I have to get to my point.

"Listen... Uh, Kade?" I start off, staring up at the stars. I lay back to make it easier. "I... I have to ask something, because I am in a difficult situation." I feel a lump in my throat start to appear but I suppress it, I have to do this.

"I think that I have been holding myself back from falling in love with Jakob again..." I breathe, "and I think... I think it's because I'm too afraid to let you go." Tears start to fill my eyes and my breath quickens a little.

"Kade, I love you so much, but... You're not here anymore, and I can't keep living in the past. I need someone to love me and you're not here to do that. So, I have to ask this..."

I have to take a deep breath and pause. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. My chest is heavy, the lump in my throat growing. The tears are falling rapidly now and I make no effort to stop them.

"Would it be... Okay... If I... Moved on?"

I stare to the sky for a bit, feeling somewhat relieved. Tears still manage to make their way down my face. I get up off the sand, picking up my shoes and dusting off the sand. Just before I leave, I realise that this is it. This is my final goodbye. All that time with Kade, it's now completely over. I can't redo any of it, I can't see him again.

"This is it then. For real this time" I sob.

"Goodbye, Kade."

•••

I decide to take the long route home. I need time to recover from what just happened. I never really thought that I would get over Kade, and I never really will. He'll always be a part of me, but I'm finally moving on. I just really thought it would feel better.

I'm almost home, just a street or two away, when I see Jakob's car. It's parked on the side of the road and I would mistake it for anyone else's car, but the lights are on and Jakob is sitting in the front, staring at me.

Turn around, walk the other way, I tell myself. My feet have a different plan.

Just walk by him

I stop at his car, opening the passenger-side door and getting in. Jakob doesn't even turn his head to look at me when I sit down.

"Why now?" He asks.

"What?"

"Why now? why not a month ago?"

"Jakob, I don-"

"Why now? Just as I'm starting to get over you?" His voice cracks.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I-"

"Ethan, stop," He cuts me off, finally looking at me. His eyes are full of tears. "I loved you for so long after we broke up. Up until about a month ago, I would have done anything to get you back. Do you know how hard that was for me?"

"Jako-"

"No, Ethan, you don't just get to come back and chose when you're ready and just expect me to come running back too." His voice is quiet and calm but angry at the same time.

"Jakob, I'm so sorry. It's been so hard to deal with my feelings. Ever since Kade died, I feel guilty every time I think of you... Like that."

"Like what?"

"Lately I just can't stop thinking about you," I tell him, ignoring his question. "With Kaleb, you were always there for me. Whenever he did something mean, you were always the one right by my side to make it better again. And now it's happening again and you're not there. I can't get you out of my mind. I know this must have been how you felt about me for all that time and I am so sorry you had to deal with that. But I wasn't ready."

"And you're ready now?"

"Yes."

He looks at me for a second, thinking. He turns and looks out the window. For a moment, it looks like he is about to get out and leave. I want to reach out and grab the hand that is resting on his left thigh and it takes a lot of self control not to. Silence hangs around us for what feels like eternity, until Jakob finally speaks.

"Ethan?" He says, getting my attention.

"Yeah?" I reply, scared at what he is about to say.

"I could never get over you."

With that, he leans across and kisses me.