binary ; tronnor

"he'll leave so soon"

woo a bigger time skip! t is 15 and c is 16 ♡

"i need to talk to you about something."

those very words strike fear in the hearts of many, not excluding connor. so when that's the first thing troye says after he closes his bedroom door, connor knows it's something big.

it was a normal friday like any other, and the boys had just gotten out of school. troye had been figity all week, jumping at the slightest touch and getting defensive about every little thing. he wasn't the sweet and easygoing boy connor knew and loved.

"go ahead," connor said nervously, his stomach sinking. what could possibly wrong? what if troye was sick- really, really sick? what if he was moving away? what if he was dying? what if-

"i'm sure you've noticed something's up," troye began, putting an ease to connor's fast paced thoughts. he sat at the foot of the bed with hands clasped in his lap. he studied the faded carpet like it was the most interesting thing in the world, and picked at his figernails while he waited for connor to say something.

"i, um... i have," connor admitted, kneeling next to the curly haired boy leaning against the plush white bedspread. it was true after all: troye had been making up flimsy excuses about not being able to hang out. he almost seemed like he was trying to avoid connor, but that's how they worked. they didn't keep secrets, or lie, back-stab, gossip, or steal.

"well," troye continued awkwardly, playing with the hem of his stripey blue tee. "there's something that's kind of... found it's way into my life, if you know what i mean."

"i don't?"

"connor, i-"

troye threw his head back against the bed, sighing and running his hands down his face.

"i have a boyfriend."

"oh."

the single oh connor let leave his lips conveyed a million things, a thousand thoughts. the very idea of someone else loving troye, touching troye, his troye, made his skin crawl. how could this be? he had never shown any interest in anyone before. did connor know this boy? did he go to their school? what could he possibly expect? suddenly everything started falling into place: the excuses the secrets, the shifty eyes and distance.

and worse yet: this scoundrel of a boy had snatched troye away before connor was brave enough to take his chance. just another day, he told himself. just a little longer and he could've been mine. his chest tightened as troye kept his intense gaze down at his fiddling fingers. his cheeks were flushed, either from exhilaration or embarrassment connor couldn't tell.

"it's not really a big deal or anything," troye murmured.

big deal? not a big deal? shouldn't the person you're dating be a big deal to you? shouldn't all this mean something to troye? would it mean anything more if it was me?

connor could scarcely move with the thick emotion running through his veins. he wanted to be everything for troye, that spark and that desire. he wanted to be troye's first kiss and his first love, his first everything. but this boyfriend, whoever it was, could be stealing his title.

"of course not," connor falsely agreed. "who is it, if i might ask?"

"oh," the younger frowned, as if saying the name itself was shameful. "it's- um, it's tristan."

tristan callahan, who both of the boys had known for years. he wasn't awful, connor knew, but he wasn't what was best for troye either. as the captain of the football team and a major jock, he was dull minded and uninteresting in connor's humble opinion (but then again, everyone seemed boring and less beautiful compared to troye). he had been known to be a sort of player, hanging around with older guys and fucking on and off. connor just didn't want troye's heart being broken.

"how long have you two been... together?" connor mumbled dejectedly.

"just a week or two."

there was a silence where connor had to bite his lip and pray he wouldn't cry. the physical pain in his chest wouldn't fade away as he watched troye picking at his nails, staring at the carpet, deliberately avoiding his gaze.

"i'm kind of nervous," troye admitted, voice high. "he's not super serious about us. i'm just scared he'll leave so soon."

it was reasonable, connor must've admitted. he was young and inexperienced, it was only natural that he'd be scared, especially with someone so popular.

"how did this happen though?"

"it was really quick," troye said frowning with the memory. "we were talking one day after school when we were both hanging out by the bleachers, and he called me beautiful. no one's ever called me that before."

i'd make sure you'd never forget it if you were mine, connor promised himself. i would cherish you and make sure you knew how loved you are.

"then he took my hand and was playing with my fingers and he put his hand on my thigh and... you know."

"i'd rather not," connor said, trying his hardest not to look physically repulsed, but he knew troye could sense it the way a dog might smell fear.

"nothing, like, happened," troye clarified. "after that he asked me for my phone number and he started texting me all the time, which was kind of weird..."

"do you like-like him? a lot?" connor asked. he kept his tone light and hoped the comment don't come across as being too interested.

"he's cute and all, and strong," troye shrugged. "but he's no you if i'm honest," he joked, hitting connor playfully on the arm. "just don't worry. no one's gonna take your spot as best friend."

that's all you are to him, a little voice seemed to whisper in connor's head. best friend, nothing more.

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that night, when the boys fell into troye's bed together, connor couldn't seem to find sleep easily. he kept tossing and turning while he heard troye's breaths slow next to him, signaling he was alseep. the moonlight shown dimly through the drawn curtains and the minutes ticked on and on. the whirring fan above was the sound that occupied connor's pounding head.

how could it be that someone so unfaithful and possibly toxic to troye had gotten to him before connor had? why did troye have to fall for such a jerk?

thoughts swirled around his tired head and he prayed that sleep, death, dreams, nightmares, something would take him. he was mere inches away from the boy he yearned to hold, so why did everything feel so lost?

troye had said it himself, no one's ever gonna take your spot. but he could've made the very same promise to tristan- i suppose the real question is how deep connor is willing to trust him.

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hello my children this was messy and my metaphors were just not flowing but woop shit went down

first and foremost !!!!! i would really really appreciate someone to help me write smut for this book bcs personally i don't think i'm very good at writing it. so if you're interested dm me and we can chat!! it would be a big help ♡

love you guys sm!!

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lindsey