binary ; tronnor

"it's not a real first kiss"

both kiddos are 13 !!!

the soft green grass of connor's back yard tickled troye's bare legs as he and connor sat there, soaking up the sun. summer time had re-entered their lives yet again, and troye couldn't be more thankful. he lived for the long days, the steady heartbeats, the sunny smiles that seemed to paint each person's face. everything was easier when the weather turned warm, as if it put everyone under a hazy spell.

the boys had been lying outside all day, for what felt like years and years, talking in a lackadaisical nature and drifting off in lulls in the conversation.

"what's your earliest memory?" troye asked, gentle voice barely above a whisper. his arm just touched connor's from their place on the lawn, close to the rippling blue pool water.

"my earliest memory?" connor thought. "i remember... i remember my parents used to have this cd mix of songs that me and nicola would dance to. it had stuff like the ymca, the pokemon theme song, and we would just dance and sing for hours and hours..." he trailed off reminiscing the good childhood memories.

"i remember stealing sage's princess dresses. cinderella was my favorite... and we'd have tea parties with our stuffed animals and make up dances for mama."

connor chuckled to himself at the thought, unbeknownst to him having seen it many times before. they were so young when they were friends connor couldn't even call to mind troye's princess days, but he sure was there for them. he always played the handsome prince who'd slay the dragon, saving both princesses.

the conversation came easy to them, words trailing along slowly. there was never any rush; they had all the time in the world on this late summer's afternoon.

connor kept asking funny questions:

"what unlikely animal friends pair would we be if we were animals?"

to which troye would giggle and answer:

"a lion cub who's friends with a monkey."

"are you more of a left or right kind of person?"

"um... left. because i sleep on the left side of the bed."

"would you rather exclusively travel by airplane or jet ski?"

"airplane, a hundred percent. don't you know how dangerous jet skis are?"

they talked nonsense, just amusing themselves as the sun got closer and closer to the horizon. there was a pause in questions and answers after a while, and troye had become so quiet connor feared he had fallen asleep. he wouldn't have had the heart to wake him anyway, he looked so peaceful just then. wildflowers in the yard framed his resting face, grass poked up through his curls. the sky that was slowly fading into shades of pink reminded connor of his lips, his flushed cheeks.

"connor?" troye spoke suddenly, not bothering to open his eyes as his favorite word rolled off his tongue.

"hmm?" connor looked over at him and got the urge to run his fingers over the boy's fine features: the curve of his eyelashes, his soft cheeks, the curls falling so gracefully over his forehead and past his shoulders. my pretty china doll.

"what would you want the other person to say before you like... did it?"

"did it?" connor repeated, though he knew fully well what troye meant.

"yeah, you know... sex," troye giggled, folding his hands over his stomach. "like... do you want them to say that you're beautiful? or...?"

"you're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you," connor sighed softly. "that's what he'll say."

"he?"

that was the exact moment connor's heart skipped a beat. had he really said that? did he dare utter the word that would dictate the rest of his life; who he could make friends with, what other people would think of him, who he could love and marry? and worse- did troye know connor was thinking of him?

"i-i meant they," connor blurted out hurriedly. "she, actually."

"okay," was all troye said. connor couldn't decide what it meant- okay as in 'i don't believe you but i'll let it go,' or okay as in 'i totally understand that you messed up because people say he instead of they by accident all the time.'

the once comfortable silence turned frozen and thin-aired. connor became uncannily aware of his and troye's arms touching.

"and connor?" troye asked again.

"yes?" connor spoke, not trusting himself to talk above a whisper, fearing his voice would break from the nerves.

"have you had your first kiss yet?"

"no," connor said honestly. "the most i've ever done with anyone really was holding hands... and- and that was with you."

"i haven't either," troye sighed, throwing his hands to his sides and picking at the grass.

i wish you'd be my first kiss, connor thought. he could nearly see it in his mind, nearly feel troye's lips on his. he wanted it, so, so bad.

"could i... never mind, it's- it's stupid."

"tell me," connor whined softly, reaching a hand down to hit troye's side. "you can ask me anything."

troye sat up and shook the grass from his hair, crossing his legs and resting his chin on his hand. he smiled giddily to himself and laced his fingers together in his lap. "i was just going to ask... if we could practice?"

"oh," connor breathed out, surprised. he sat up to meet troye so that their knees touched.

"i mean you don't have to, of course," troye rushed in, waving his hands around nervously.

"no, it's fine," connor assured, not letting the real words he longed to say leave his lips; there's nothing i'd love more.

troye looked into connor's eyes one last time before leaning in, cupping one hand on his cheek. it took all of connor's will not to lean forward and kiss him, but he sat back and let troye do what he wanted.

"is this okay?" troye murmured, lips nearly touching those of his friend. connor could feel their noses touching, delicate eyelashes ghosting above his own skin, soft breaths washing over his open mouth.

in truth, connor offered no answer. instead, he leaned forward the last little bit they needed and touched their lips together softly in a kiss.

it was nothing more than a peck, an innocent touch that was simple in action but complex in intention. connor wished he could've said it was the happiest he had ever been, and that the kiss was passionate and eye opening. he wished it would've gone on for a few more seconds so he could really taste troye's strawberry lip balm, and run his fingers through his hair. he wished troye would've pushed him down into the soft greenery and smiled against his lips, saying all sorts of sweet things. but, as good things rarely do, none of that happened and the peck remained a peck.

troye kept his eyes closed as he pulled away, but brought one hand up to touch where their lips had touched.

"it doesn't count," troye decided finally, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

"what doesn't?"

"this," troye said, gesturing between them. "it's not a real first kiss, you know? 'cause you're just my best friend and all."

"oh, um- yeah. of course not," connor agreed, biting his lip. he almost felt like crying. didn't this mean anything to troye? wasn't it supposed to feel like something more?

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- londsey bonsey