Chapter 1

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I must be going crazy. Luhan.. Where are you know? Can you see me? Are you looking down on me?

Xiumin walked down the dark empty pavement. It was going to be almost three in the morning and he hasn't gone home. He felt at ten in the night. He had to clear his head and get away from the stuffy room he was always in. The night was a blessing to him these days.

Not many people were outside in the night and that's what he liked most. There was no disturbance and he could clear his mind. But the reason why he was like this was something very hard. They invited him to go to Luhan's funeral. Xiumin didn't know if he should go or not. Would he end up more hurt or realize what he is doing and move on?

The fresh breeze blew past him and he shivered. He shook his head and then tried thinking of something else. He thought about how he should of had brought a sweater but he didn't care at that moment. Now he is regretting that decision. He let out a frustrated sign and looked at the ground disappointed. "What should I do? I can't do anything about it so why am I always looking back.." He asked desperately the night air and shook his head knowing that the nigh air couldn't answer him back.

He rubbed his head and closed his eyes. He looked back up at the barely lit houses. All the houses were well sized and had two stories. They were surrounded by pine trees and Xiumin lifted his hand up to brush his hand against the tree pines. You wouldn't leave me, would you? He asked the tree and stared at it. I must be going crazy go talk to things that aren't human..He thought and kept walking.

He put his hands in his jean pocket and blew air out of his longs. He stared at nothing in particular and saw the lights coming from near stores. He took a left and walked straight before reaching the store. He was wondering if he was doing the right thing and walked up to the cash register.

"Is that all?" The man asked him and Xiumin nodded, handing the money over to the man once the cashier swiped it and gave him back his ID. "Thank you." Xiumin left the store not even looking back and walking back home. He wasn't that far away. It was only a thirty minute walk.

He grabbed the little box and took a cigarette out. He lit it up and put it in his mouth without thinking. He breathed in a little and started coughing frantically. This was his first time trying it and he didn't like the bitter taste it felt in his mouth. He didn't like that he felt like he couldn't breath.

Once he stopped coughing he threw it at the ground and stomped on it. Maybe another time. He thought and started to walk back home again. The moonlight hit his face and he wondered, why can't I be like the moon? It's beautiful in every single way. He knew that it was true and that one day it wouldn't be there anymore but that was how things were suppose to be.

"Hey! You!" A voice yelled out and it almost made Xiumin jump. He looked back at the voice and stared in shock. "What the heck! You scared the shit out of me!" Xiumin said and smiled at his long time friend he hasn't seen in a long time. "Oh don't give me that crap! I saw what you did! Xiumin.. What has happened to you?" Baekhyun said disappointed.

Xiumin froze at Baekhyung's words. "Baekhyun! It's not what you think! It's my first time! I swear!" Xiumin desperately said. "It better be the first and last or else I will personally whip your ass if I need to." Baekhyun placed a hand in his hip and stared at Xiumin with his most serious face.

Xiumin nodded looking at the ground in shame. "Okay.." He looked back at the male. "WAIT! What are you doing outside in this kind of hour?!" Xiumin almost shouted wanting for things to turn around. "WHAT ABOUT YOU MISTER KIM? What have you been up doing at these late hours?!" Baekhyun shot back and Xiumin let out a tiny whimper.

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