Beautiful Mistakes {Zayn M.}

Chapter 17

I inhaled deeply. When I exhaled, my breath was shaky. Bryden could clearly sense my uneasiness because, even though he was furious with me, he reached for my hand and comfortingly brushed his thumb along my knuckles. 

"Um, you already know that I cheated with Zayn. I'm sure you want to know why." All he did was nod. Respecting my wish for him not to speak while I was confessing. "Well, I was, I guess you could say embarrassed about something, and I didn't want to tell you because I've never really been in love with someone before. I thought you would judge me, and now I'm looking like an ass and you are judging me anyway because I cheated."

"I'm not judging." His silence didn't last long, but it was nice knowing I could tell him what I needed to without him criticizing me for my actions. At least not yet.

I took one more deep breath in before saying everything. "I had sex . . . slept with . . ." I didn't know the proper term to use. They all sounded bad. "Cheated on you with Zayn because I was too embarrassed to tell you I was a virgin." Bryden removed his hands from mine, immediately making me feel alone, and raised his eyebrows in disbelief. I continued though. "And I thought that you wouldn't want to be the one to take it from me because you have experience with that, so I had him do it." I'm pretty sure I was red looking like the biggest bitch right now. "And even though we were so careful," I looked down to where my soon to be baby bump would appear and rubbed my stomach, causing Bryden to stir next to me, "I got pregnant." I whispered the last part. My attention was brought back to his. He was simply staring at me in disbelief. "Well, say something." I pried, wanting him to talk to me. He could have at least started yelling as soon as I was done.

He must have been taking it all in because a few moments later that dazed look turned into disappointment. It was the look I expected to get when I broke the news to my parents. 

"I'm a virgin, Rose." His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

"What?" I could feel the tears starting to pool in my eyes.

"I'm a virgin!" He stated again with more force behind his words. 

I was frozen. Not a sound escaped my mouth. Bryden sat there looking at me, furious. 

"Now you say something." He said through gritted teeth. 

"I . . . But you said that first night we spent together you didn't want to force me into doing anything with you." I let a tear fall down my cheek, but quickly brushed it away hoping Bryden didn't notice.

"I didn't want to force you!" He yelled. It startled me seeing him this way. "I also didn't know I wanted to have sex with someone until I met you! That's why I said I didn't want to force you! I knew I was ready, but I didn't know if you were! When you said you didn't want to move too fast it made me think of your last relationship and how things probably went! I didn't want to hurt you! Why? Because I have enough fucking respect for the person I love!"

Now the tears were rapidly falling from my eyes. I felt horrible. "I didn't know." I managed to choke out.

"Well maybe you should have asked! I know those things aren't easy to talk about with people, but if you have enough trust in someone, kind of like you do with Zayn because he obviously knew how you were feeling, then telling them your thoughts will help make a situation better!" Bryden's voice was still very loud. I had prepared myself for this reaction, but I didn't think it was actually going to happen.

Once again, I wiped the tears from my face. "I'm sorry, okay. I don't know what else to tell you." I whined, hoping for some kind of forgiveness. 

"I don't want you to say sorry. I don't give a fuck if you're sorry. You know, before we had this conversation I was thinking that maybe we could work something out. I didn't like the fact that you had sex with your best friend, but now I really cannot stand to even think about how you trusted someone other than me." I could see his emotions taking over, and it wasn't anger. Bryden was heartbroken by my actions, and I was just now realizing that there was no fixing us. He was also starting to cry, which only made me break down even more. "I never once thought about how you wouldn't want to be my first time. Even though I assumed that you were experienced, I would have found out we were in the exact same position when we were both ready to take that step. Do you know how special that would have been for us? Do you know how much closer we would have been after that?" Bryden ran his fingers through his hair. "And Jesus Rose. You're pregnant. I had to find out that you are pregnant at a barbecue. From the girlfriend of the guy you fucked. He didn't cheat on her. He has enough respect for his girlfriend." All of these things Bryden was saying was only making this worse. "How did she even know before me? Before Zayn even?"