Beautiful Mistakes {Zayn M.}

Chapter 17

I couldn't believe I was actually about to have this conversation with Bryden. Everything that was going to come out of my mouth was going to hurt him. Especially the part about me not wanting him to take my virginity. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Bryden would have made everything so special. He would have really taken care of me because he would have known how nervous I was. Thinking of all this made me understand how horrible of a person I was. Bryden didn't deserve someone like me. No, I didn't deserve someone like him. He had been so good to me and I ruined that. Bryden needs someone who isn't so selfish. He needs someone who he knows he can trust. No someone who isn't honest about important things. Maybe he would take all the honesty I was about to give him and want to repair what has been broken. I wanted nothing more than to be with him. I love him.

"Here you go." Bryden quietly spoke as he handed me a glass of water. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, feeling awkward for even being in his room. This is where we could have made love. Here. On this very mattress, but I had to be stupid and not want that. 

"Thanks." I replied, bringing the glass to my mouth and taking a small sip before setting it down on the nightstand. 

Bryden sat down next to me. There was an obvious tension between us, like we didn't know how to go about having this conversation. 

We were silent for a couple of long minutes. I finally decided that the only way to start this thing was to just talk and reveal everything.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. I couln't allow any more words to escape my lips. I guess the whole coming thing clean wasn't going to work.

"You've said that to me a million times, Rose." There was anger in his voice. I could tell that this wasn't going to go well. "What are you sorry for?"

"Cheating." I quietly replied. I didn't know what else to tell him. Giving him an explanation for my horrible actions wasn't going to be easy.

"Jesus, Rose." He said under his breath. 

"What?" I shouted. "Jesus what? I know you want me to tell you everything. I get that, but just let me think of how I'm going to do that. For like a minute. Please." I was so frustrated right now. Bryden would never understand the internal battle that was going on inside of me. I want to be with him. More than he probably knows. The only way there is going to be a chance for us to have a relationship would be to tell him the truth. I have to tell him everything. Even if that means breaking up for good. 

"Why do you need to think about how you are going to tell me?" He yelled back. "It's been two weeks. You knew we were going to have this conversation."

"It isn't that easy." I stood up and went to close the bedroom door. We were the only ones in his apartment at the moment, but I still felt better knowing we were completely shut off from the rest of the world around us. 

"How is it not that easy?" Bryden asked. I couldn't believe he was being so difficult. 

"Have you ever cheated on someone?" I quickly turned around and glared at him.

"No. I'm not that low." Now he was taking jabs at me. Even though it wasn't a huge one, it still hurt knowing that he thought that about me. 

I slowly walked back over to the bed and sat down facing him. I guess I was ready to tell him everything. I couldn't really prolong this anymore. "Bryden, I'm going to tell you something and you are going to freak out. Please just let me say what I have to before you yell at me."

"So it's that bad?" 

"Shut up." I snapped. 

He raised his hands jokingly in defeat. The tone in his voice was not joking though. It was more of get-the-hell-on-with-it kind of tone.  "Fine."