I've Never Cried

Chapter Thirty-Four - "Plates"

"Holy shit!" I yelled, watching her. I had lost touch with what was going on, as I had not expected this kind of behavior out of her. I thought she was being dramatic, or maybe had just lost it. I didn't understand. "Demi STOP. STOP!"

She ignored me, hurling the plates with even more force. I ran toward her, through the glass, and grabbed her by the shoulders, trying to cease this insanity.

"Let me go!" She cried, tears rushing down her cheeks. She was sobbing through her anger, her voice barely allowing her to yell through rapid breaths. "Fucking let me go!"

I held her arms as she fought me, my frustration never fading.

"What the hell are you doing Demi?! What the actual fuck?!?!" I shook her, making her tantrum pause. She stared at me then, her heartbroken eyes tearing into mine.

"Fix them." She said, her lips pressed tightly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I said, so confused by her actions. She tore away from me, pointing down at the millions of pieces on glass on the floor.

"FIX them." She cried. I looked at the shards scattered in between us, and reasoned that mending them would be near impossible.

"I can't!" I yelled, pissed off at this insanity. She started for the cabinet again, and I was ready to stop her from breaking more dishes, but instead, she grabbed another plate, and handed it to me.

"Break it." She said, and by this time I'd had enough.

"Demi-,"

"Fucking break it, Joe!" I had to admit, I really wanted to. Every part of me was enraged; I definitely wanted to break something. I chucked the plate at the wall, watching its pieces go flying.

Demi charged toward me then, and got so close to me, I could yet again feel her words.

"Now apologize to it." She said. I was sure she'd lost it, but I complied.

"Fine. I'm sorry." I said, feeling ridiculous. I wanted all of this craziness to be over. I wanted Demi to get back to forgiving me.

She took a step backward then, her weight crushing the glass beneath her shoes.

"Look, Joe," she began, and her voice was small, her tears keeping her quiet. "The plates are still broken. No matter how many times you apologize to them, they're still BROKEN."

Suddenly, all of this madness made complete sense. Looking at her face right then, I understood.

"They're not going to FIX THEMSELVES, Joseph. You have to get down on your hands and knees, and you have to put every single piece back together. And it will hurt. And you're gonna bleed. And guess what?" I was silenced. There was so much tension between the two of us, I was sure that if I lit a match, the room would go up in flames.

Demi came back toward me, and surprisingly, she wrapped me in a hug. I tightened my grip around her shoulders, and she sobbed as she spoke. "Even if you did glue every single piece back together, you would STILL have a broken plate."

I had no idea what to say, but for the first time in my life, I felt every single pain Demi had ever felt in her entire life. She cried for so long, her head in my chest, and I held her, wishing I could take it all away.

"I HATE that I made you cry." I said, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. "I hate that I broke your heart."

"Joe," she finally said, still crying into my chest. I stroked my fingers through her hair. "Will you hold me?"

Without hesitation, I scooped her up in my arms as if she were my bride, and carried her back to the couch.

When I sat, she tightened her arms around my neck, keeping her face buried in my chest. I held my arms around her waist, my chin in her hair. I knew Demi hadn't taken me back yet; she'd made that incredibly clear. I'd have to work to win her love. I was sure this moment with her was temporary, as we both just needed one night of each other's touch after all of the pain. But I would hold her for as long as she'd allow me.

"Just for tonight, okay?" She'd whispered, her breathing slowly becoming more and more even.

I kissed the top of her head and whispered back. "Just for tonight."

JJDL