I've Never Cried

Chapter Twenty-Seven - "Something, Nothing, Anything."

I reached out to her, but she jumped away immediately, before saying,

"Don't touch me." I sucked in a breath as she spoke. I watched her drop her arms to her sides, then lift one hand to cover her mouth as she cried.

"I'm just so stupid!" She yelled, "I actually thought that I finally found someone that loved ME. And meant it. But I was wrong. So, so wrong."

She stared at me as she walked backward, her eyes heavy on mine.

I didn't hesitate.

I ran after her.

She was halfway to her car when I'd caught her by the arm.

"Dem-," She suddenly whirled around, snatching her arm away from my grasp, smacking me quickly and painfully across the face. My head turned in the direction she had slapped me, and I paused there for a moment, taking in the adrenaline, anger, and pain I felt suddenly rushing through my cheek.

 It hurt badly, and I was pretty sure I was slightly scratched, but I turned back to her, and she was still staring at me, her tears clouding the betrayal I saw in her eyes.

"You keep your filthy hands off of me." She said through clenched teeth, still holding my gaze. I stepped toward her, but she forced me away, shoving me in the chest.

"You lying-," she shoved me backward again, "Sick!-" another shove, then another. "Disgusting, bastard!" She gave me one more good one, causing me to stumble a bit.

"How could you do this to me, Joe? How could you hurt me like this? How could the both of you?! She was my best friend!" She waited for an answer, but I just watched her face as she began to put the pieces together. "Oh, my God." Her eyes widened, and she took a step backward. I could see what she was thinking, and it cut me open. Her hand pressed into the upper left side of her chest, beneath her neck. "She broke up with Nick because of you." I stared into her eyes, begging that I respond.

"Demi, you've got to understand," I stepped toward her. Her hand flew up into her hair, a stressed pose.

She stormed toward her car again, but I cut in front of her, this time determined to get out something; anything.

"It's not like that, okay?! It's. . . it wasn't my fault." She stared me down,

"Bullshit." She said through clenched teeth. I could feel my voice shaking as I began to speak. My heart was clenching in my chest. My stomach was turning knots. Painful, guilty, shameful knots.

"Just listen to me," my voice cracked, "Please." After a second of consideration, she wiped her eyes, though her back was still shaking as she tried to stop her tears, and she crossed her arms and waited. "I can't lose you because of some stupid mistake!" I hesitantly placed my hands on her shoulders, and brought myself closer to her. Those big brown eyes looked up at me, and I noted our height difference, and how easy it would be to bend down and just kiss her.

 "I told you that I love you, Demi. I told you NEVER to forget that. I will NEVER stop loving you." I pressed her hand into my chest. "I can't go on without you." I felt a tear roll down my face, and I knew I was losing her. "Just. . . please." She backed away from me again, and opened her car door. I was breaking down inside, losing my grip, hanging on by a thread.

"You heard what I said in there, Dem. I was going to tell you. You've got to believe me!" I was shouting now; desperately.

Her face was angry, and unforgiving. Her lips were pressed into a hard line, and her eyes were narrowed. "I'm not sorry, Joe." She said, her voice still shaky with tears. "I didn't risk everything I thought we had. You did." She climbed into the car, closing the door, and starting it up. "You lost me." She said out of the window, and her tears rolled faster down her cheeks, now flushed. As she pulled off, I stood there, even after I couldn't see her anymore.

I stood there and waited for something, nothing, anything to happen.

I stood there and hated myself.  

JJDL