Guilt Tripping (rant/personal book)

school

tonight is the last night of spring break, and it's almost over.

you know what that means

school

and i fucking hate school.

i hate the majority of the people there. and no, i'm not saying that to sound edgy or shit, i seriously dislike almost everyone. almost everyone likes to trash on each other and bully one another. the whole environment thrives off of people's mistakes and embarrassments, and everyone always seems to know your shit before you even know it yourself.
it's gross, and i hate it, i hate watching people shit on each other and talking crap. it's like wow, are your lives seriously that boring to the point in which you have to create drama by fucking people up mentally?? just to soothe your thirst for attention??

also my exes are there??? three out of the four, and whenever i see them, i tend to run the opposite direction. i might rant about them another time. they stress me out a fuck ton.
there's times where I've had anxiety attacks just from seeing them, because they just... freak me out.

one cheated on me, one tried to manipulate and force me back into a relationship I didn't want to be in, and the other sexually assaulted another person.

so yeah, i really don't like them all too much.

the ex that doesn't go to my school is the only one i'm on really good terms with. he's like, my best friend, and he's a really sweet person.

anyway so i'm in musical (probably not the wisest decision on my part since I can't handle stress and a full schedule), and i'm not looking forward to spending the vast majority of my days singing and dancing around. like i just want to chill the fuck out and sleep at home. those calm and quiet moments are probably the only things keeping me fucking stable at the moment.

all of this stuff is just... ugh. it drains me of energy, and it's hard to write and draw when you don't have the motivation to do jack shit anymore.

i'm not ready for this crap again man, i need a longer spring break. can we prolong this shit for two weeks instead of one?? that'd be just swell.

also, the walking dead is making me extremely emo, and since i've read the comics, i have a pretty bad feeling that i know who's going to die next week in the season finale.

i'm not fucking ready for that shit, i'm seriously going to sob and probably end up throwing things at the tv.

my favorite characters are michonne, carol, and daryl. they're pretty kick ass, and i loooooove each character's personal development

like i'm such a whore for characters changing, evolving, and having flaws. learning from their mistakes. getting knocked down just to rise above the ashes.
yeah, that's some damn good shit.

speaking of the term 'whore', don't judge people for how much they like or don't like to fuck. like honestly, as long as there's consent and they're of age, then all is well.

also cheating isn't cool. so. please don't do something like that, unless your partner is 100% okay with it. i guess that's not really cheating if they're fine with it?? i dunno.

also, protection is good. condoms, the pill, etc etc. always think about that before doing the do. unprotected sex is fine too, but keep in mind the risks it has.

anyway yeah, as long as you follow those guidelines, go fuck as many people as you please. be as slutty as you please.

Don't let your fucks be dreams

Just  h o e  it.

But it's fine if you don't want to have sex. Like, I personally hate sex, I think it's disgusting and I want it as far away from me as possible.

yeah, if you didn't read my bio, i'm ace, lmao. sex just doesn't seem appealing, it looks suffocating and painful, i would rather not deal with it.

the thing that sucks about being ace is that people sort of think it's just a phase?? That you're being childish?? That you'll eventually find the right person to do it with??

and it's like no guys, i seriously don't want to have sex, even if i find someone who is like the most amazing person ever, I stILL DON'T WANNA FUCK EM.

LIKE NO FUCKING FOR ME, THank you very much.

anyway wow we go from school to exes to the walking dead to sex

this is literally what happens in conversations i have with people

i'll start on one thing and dart back and forth between different topics. in the end, no one usually remembers what we started out with, lmao

it's cold and it's after midnight. if i want to be able to function tomorrow, i need to sleep.

byyyyeee

oh

and happy Easter to those celebrating it

Xø T.