Guilt Tripping (rant/personal book)

((( talking mainly about writing vibes )))

On my wattpad recommendations, it keeps giving me Phan fanfics??? I don't ship Phan??? I haven't even seen Dan and/or Phil's videos?? I don't even go on YouTube at all??

There was a time where a good chunk of my friends had this huge youtuber phase (a couple are still in it), and they would be like 'oH MY GOD TAYLOR YOU GOTTA WATCH THIS'

after awhile of begging, i'd give in, and my pal and I would sit and watch whatever the fuck the video was for 5 minutes on their tiny phone screen.

They would crack up and be dying of laughter, and I would literally just be sitting there like :| okay umm why is this funny?? what's going on?? i literally don't even give a shit, why did i agree to this??

anyway to sum it up, I don't like youtubers. lmao.

okay, but while on the subject of Phan, there's a fanfic I guess gaining a shit ton of popularity called Transgender?? And in multiple rantbooks, I've seen it get pissed on for its writing style, aka one sentence chapters.

Now, my personal opinion on this, is that I believe that this writing style in unique. I think it's interesting to see how an author orchestrates a story with an extremely limited amount of words. It's like, you know that one popular post where it's like 'make the scariest story using x amount of words or in one sentence'?? And you read those, and you're like 'well damn buddy, that is sorta eerie.' Or with some poems, they're beautifully written, but they're short and shit?? I dunno, I just find the bashing of short writing very unnecessary.

Now I've also seen critiques and complaints on the storyline of 'Transgender' and how there's no character development, or how it badly portrays certain things. Those complaints, I do believe, are legit. Because unlike bashing the writing for being short, these have substance, these are the main factors of a story.

anyway, I've been reading a frerard fanfic series with a similar writing style. They're called 'Gay' and 'Trust Is Fragile'. I find both of those to be great. Each chapter is like an impulsive thought, a short observation of the world around them, and you really almost feel like you're experiencing everything just as it happens?? There's no complex metaphors or similes (lmao like I tend to write in my fanfics) or huge long descriptions, it's just impulses and rash decisions and panicking, and it feels so much more real. I don't know how else to explain this.
Obviously a more detailed first perspective in regular stories explains this in great depth, but it's cool to me to only have a story where it's all just thoughts and fuck, I don't know, it's just good okay. The storyline itself though is eh, just simply okay, but I really do enjoy the writing style.

I feel like if someone had enough talent, they could make something truly extraordinary out of a book with one sentence chapters, I really do.

This writing style does have some potential.

Speaking of writing, I don't just write stories. I also write poems. But for some reasons, I hate the idea of publishing those??? Like I'm more insecure about someone stealing and copying those than I am my stories?? Like, my stories do have pieces of me scattered about in them, but I think it's because my poems are, well, me. they're just me. I don't want people trying to fucking steal my self aware ideas and insecurities about myself, those are mine.

The poems I write, they're usually made in a state of vulnerability. I've felt such a wide range of emotions while writing those. I've felt heavy hitting sadness, the kind that's crushing and makes you feel number than you feel sitting outside in the frigid winter. I've felt bitter hatred, the kind that burns through you and makes you shake, the kind that causes you to smash things and scream into your pillow.

On the rare occasion, I feel happiness at its most pure and light. Euphoria almost.

And to think about someone stealing those moments away and claiming them as theirs makes me fucking sick to my stomach.

anyway, i think i'm going to go and have something to eat, lmao, it's like 11:20 and I haven't had a damn thing.

Xø T.