Can Anybody Find Me?

Chapter 20

Lone knew driving when she was had that much to drink and was this tired was beyond stupid and bordered more on the too stupid to survive side of things. And still she drove on, working from a nearly nonexistant memory to drive back to Coyote's cabin. She couldn't even explain to herself why she needed to go back there, but it called to her and she had no power to resist it now. Her chest hurt suddenly, a flare of pain and sudden lassitude nearly collapsed her over the wheel. Lone recovered before her car could drift off the side of the road, and the thrill of adrenaline pushed all worry of sleep away.

She gave herself as much of an all over shake as was possible while driving, wondering if she should just stop the car and sleep here. Whatever road she was on now had less than no traffic, her headlights glinting off the spiderwebs spanning the road. And yet she knew this was the road she wanted to take. "You should stop before you crash and die like mom." her tone was harsh, purposefully cruel to herself.

But the same thing that had compelled her onto the road still drove her forward. She ploughed forward as if driven by a cattle prod and wondered just exactly when she started to believe all this psychosupernatural bullshit going on in her life. She'd believed it so easily once Gavin revealed what he was to her. But that was due to her aura-reading, it's hard to feel normal when no one else can see the pretty lights. And if Lone were to really think back, the lights showed up before her mother's death. The night Gavin came for her the first time.

"He did this to me." Lone's tone was soft. Her hands felt weak on the steering wheel, her car staying on the road by miracle more than any focus, because her mind was battering through her own mental barriers, exposing memories she had locked away for survival sake. It wasn't like a Hollywood flashback, if it was, it would have soft lighting and dramatic music. But Lone mostly remembered the confusion. Her head hurt and she knew she'd bumped it, but couldn't figure out why she couldn't breathe. The lid had come down and she couldn't move it. But the fear didn't really hit because she knew there were friends and parents just outside. And then she heard them try to help her, but by then the fear had taken over, making her thrash and waste the last of her air, and then she remembered drifting. Until he was there. Something wouldn't let her stay in the dark, it pulled her back to the pain of her body and she was alive again. To a child's eye, Gavin had been beautiful and terrifying. He was so big! And his wings were magnificent. Though she remembered them as a white blur, but they were dusky dark now.

To a young woman's eye, her occasional glimpses of Gavin's face in a mirror, out of the corner of her eye.... he'd been a half-understood fantasy. And to her woman's eyes, he was her savior and her curse. She wanted him in a way that confused her because she couldn't recognize the feeling for what it was: desire. She'd found men attractive before, and sort of drooled or sniffed after one or two, but she'd never had that kind of stirring in her heart and her loins. It sounded so cliched but he called to a part of her she'd buried away. The hopeful romantic. But that girl had died the night her father had raped her virginity away. There was an awful lot of emotional scar tissue between the young woman she was the first time Gavin came to her and who she was today. But Lone's battered, abused and deeply scarred heart couldn't help but lurch faster whenever she thought of him.

Without thinking about it, Lone rested her hand against the mark her Angel had left over her heart. Her eyes closed despite the seriousness of driving and she felt him stir at her touch. For a brief second, she felt him, starting to wake up from something. He was angry, hurt and confused but she felt that without a doubt that he intented to come after her the moment he could. It terrified her and thrilled her and she tore her hand away from his mark. She opened her eyes, expecting to see a tree coming for a hug and instead found herself parked outside the Coyote's cabin.

"Well that's certainly not eerie." Lone said, amazed to hear her voice sound normal. She sighed and scratched her stomach, fingers tingling as she brushed passed Rimmon's brand. She could smell him in her mouth and nose, as if she'd gotten a good, deep breath from right behind his ear. It was primal and visceral and she groaned a little, feeling her heart throb painfully for a moment and then it settled.

"I cannot be in love with both of them." Lone stated it, horrified at hearing her mouth say the words outloud. She hadn't even admitted the possibility to herself and yet here she was trying to argue the case against herself. She had every right to hate both of them, she remembered Gavin's words from so long ago: "Even Guardian Angels can be late." she knew why he felt he had to be there for her now, she was his greatest failure. It made her feel strangely numb, realizing that she was a job for him.

If her feelings for Gavin were skewed, her feelings for Rimmon were downright twisted. He had never said he was human, he hadn't lied to her. But he was literally her ultimate Temptation incarnate. Someone who didn't underestimate her abilities, took her as she was right now and didn't demand that she apologize for it. But then again, it was his job to be all that for her. He was supposed to lure her into willing Hell and damnation. And enough of her wanted to go along for the ride for her to know that she was walking the knife's edge of being who she was supposed to be, and falling for the worst thing for her. For the life of her, Lone didn't know which one was salvation and which was damnation. Just because one was an Angel and one a Demon, didn't make it as obvious as you'd think.

Lone smacked her forehead against the car door for a moment, knowing that even if she didn't say it out loud, it was fairly easy to figure out that her life was the script of a very trashy soap opera. "Don't think about it right now, just go in and see why... why it wanted you here." Lone muttered, falling into the old habit of talking to herself in lieu of real company.

Squaring her shoulders, Lone faced Coyote's cabin and then marched up to the door, not surprised to find it unlocked and the fire lit, waiting her arrival. There was no one here and Lone looked around, seeing the place set up as if it anticipated her needs. There was the bed, set up and ready for her. The fire was low and banked, she could leave it or stir it up and there was food in the fridge when she looked.

"Why don't you just put a ring through my nose and attach a chain to it? That way you can jerk me around all the easier!" she shouted at the roof, ready for an incorporeal response even. But nothing happened, and Lone harumphed and kicked her shoes off, grabbing the paper off the table and taking it to bed with her. It was the letter Coyote had left for her before this whole Twisted thing went down.

Elonore,

I don't know your history more than you've told me, but I don't need to. You're like me, someone burned by either Heaven or Hell and no longer held to either. We are Neutrals, and I hope to have a long time to teach you about what that means. For now, suffice it to say that your men are not Neutrals. We are creatures that keep the balance, they are creatures that affect the balance. And you my dear Lone, will be irresistable to both of them. And them in return to you. You can fight it, but do not hate yourself when you lose and give in to them. You share souls with these men and those separate pieces will try to bring you together, and there is a very real way to do that between a man and a woman. You can love these men Lone, but in the end they cannot stay with you, no matter how this ends. I tell you this not to warn you, but to prepare you. If we survive this, you will not be the same Lone I started mentoring. This will change you. I'll be waiting to meet the new you on the other side.

Dumb Coyote

Lone stared at the letter and felt a different set of emotions flare up in her than the last time she read it. Then she'd felt so angry, so used. Now she just felt tired. Like it would be easier to give up and just let it all happen. What exactly in her life was she fighting for anyways? Her most important possessions were in her car for a quick getaway. She had amatuer surgery performed on her pullout couch for a bed! Her life wasn't anything special. But it was hers, and there was just something inside her that refused to give that up without at least fighting to keep the parts she loved. Like Belle, Coyote. Maybe even her men.

"Which means I have to go back for them don't I?" Lone asked herself outloud, understanding coming to her as her eyes drooped shut.

With the mortal asleep, the purple-eyed Descendand stepped out, smiling with wicked humour. Right where she wanted her.....