as we are // tronnor

17 (full chapter)

Troyes pov (two weeks after the lunch 'date')

I called Connor. I don't know why I did it. I've been sitting here, on my bedroom floor, for hours. So I call Connor.

He picks up after four rings.

"Hey Tro!" He said, sounding like an excited child. I could almost see his radiant smile through the phone.

"Hey Con," I replied, sighing. I was in an awful mood, something about today just hit me real hard, but I don't know what. I guess it was because I've been alone all day. Maybe that's it.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Connors concerned voice asked through the phone, noticing my sad tone. I told him about how I'd been alone all day and that it had out me in a bad mood. He talked to me for awhile, cheering me up. He told me different ways to keep myself occupied so my thoughts don't take over and weird but helpful stuff like that. Finally, after about a 30 minute phone call, I realized why I had actually called Connor.

"Hey Con?" I interrupted him mid sentence.

"Yeah Troye?" He asked, concern filling his voice once again. I felt my stomach flip and my heart skip a beat.

"Can you meet me at Colleen's Cafe at 9:00 tonight? I need....to talk to you about something." I exhaled, letting it all out. What have I done.

There was a pause.

"Yes, of course. I'll see you then, Tro." Something had settled into his tone that made me uneasy.m

"See you then, Connah."

I hung up.

I felt nauseous.

But I had to tell him. I'd known him for what felt like so long now and I needed something to happen. I can't stand just being friends.

But our age difference.

It was only three years. It can't matter that much.

I begged myself to stop thinking about it.

I begged my dam to stay put.

But again, my river was threatening to break free.

...

8:05. I was unconsciously counting down the minutes. My mind was a mess and so was I. My hair was messy, my curls now knots. My face looked dirty, even though I had been laying in bed all day. I needed to clean up, to get my shit together. I hopped in the shower, feeling the warm water to run down my bare back. I splashed it over my face, finally feeling the knot in my stomach loosen, finally feeling at bit more at ease. I began to breathe, closing my eyes and letting myself know that it's okay. It was just a crush, just a simple feeling of teenage love.

I got out of the shower and threw on some decently looking clothes. I let my curls dry naturally, allowing them to poof here and there. I starred into the mirror, thoughts rushing through my head. I thought about Connor and how he would react. I thought about the possibilities of our love, and the non possibilities. I shook my head. Stop stressing Troye, your okay.

8:30.

I slid out the door and got in my car, feeling the knot reappear in my stomach. I took the long way to the cafe, thinking about what I was gonna say. I decided to make a short stop and get a bouquet of sunflowers, Connor's favorite.

8:56

I stood I front of the cafe, looking at me phone every other second, pleading Connor would show up.