Suck It & See (ryden)

13. Panic Station

Time and time again I come to realize despite the front I put on, that I have a gaping black abyss for a heart, I really have too much compassion for my own good. That's why when I sent Ryan several texts and called him three times without any form of a reply, I began to worry.

It had been a hard week for me, between seeing James constantly in school and dealing with the inevitable truth that the man was planning something dangerous for us, I've been a bit hostile. Not even my best friend will talk to me. Ryan dealt with it admirably and tried his hardest to stay as calm as possible.

But you can only take so much I suppose...

"Bren, I'm only trying to help.."

"Well stop fucking trying, Ryan! I can't even fucking think as it is, let alone to have you constantly babying me!"

"Is that really what you want Brendon?"

"Yes!"

"Then call me when you want to talk to me... I'm going to try not to be pissed at you right now, because I know you're upset, but don't fucking expect me to check up on you anymore without an apology."

I sigh, guilt burning in my chest and consider the only option I have left; I've got to go to him.

"Mom, I'm going out." I yell into the living room as I pull on my black hoodie. Picking up my keys from the ring, I get the okay from my gracious mother and head toward Ryan's house, a formal and sincere apology in mind.

***

It takes me more time then I would've liked getting Ryan's father to let me inside. I never imagined getting the run down ever since girls were never my thing, but I guess Ryan was 'Daddy's Little Boy'. In more ways than one.

I pushed the sexual thought out of my head just as fast as it arrived and followed Ryan's father down a hall after he decided I was satisfactory. The hall was decorated with pictures of a beautiful family and Ryan was at the center of every one with a small blonde girl.

My heart melted momentarily at a particular photo of the pair. Ryan was significantly younger in this picture, his mousey brown hair curly and unruly in his eyes. The small blonde child was in his lap, arms wrapped tightly around the boy's frail midsection. Their smiles were so big it had to hurt.

"That's my brother and I." A young voice pulls my eyes away from the photograph and I quickly turn to see the same blonde girl, only now she looked to be a bit older. Eleven maybe. Mr. Ross had since departed and left me alone with the girl with gorgeous hazel eyes.

"You're Ryan's little sister?" I ask softly. I'd never seen much of Ryan's personal life. Hell I hardly know him at all... do I?

"Yeah, my name is Cecilia. Ryan tells me a lot about you. You're cuter in person." She smiles largely at me and I feel my walls crumbling. "He's not just my big brother though.. He's my best friend." She pauses and looks towards a closed door at the end of the hall. "You hurt him. But I know you'll fix it. That's why you're here."

"You're right." I nod and wring my hands for a bit. "Thank you... Um, any advice? Before I, you know?"

"Just say you're sorry and he'll forgive you. He likes you an awful lot." The small girl flashes another brilliant smile that resembles her brother's so closely it's disturbing. She quickly runs away, leaving me to it.

Silently making my way to the ever thick door, I knock softly to hear his voice; and boy does he sound like an angel when he softly calls for me to come in. I slowly push the door open and see the boy at his desk in a mere pair of grey boxers. His hair was a mess and a pair of brown thick framed glasses were perched gracefully on his nose.

"Cee, can you tell Dad that I've got a migraine and school tomorrow just isn't an option." Ryan says, eyes never leaving the glowing screen of his laptop. Word upon words were displayed on the white background.

"I'll miss you too much if you don't come to school tomorrow." I whisper, leaning in the doorway. My heart is lodged in my throat, so I can imagine that my words came out in nothing short of a gasp.

Ryan quickly spun around in his computer chair, eyes wild. His jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw me standing in the threshold. "What are you doing here Brendon?"

"Apologizing for being an asshole." I sigh and sit on the end of Ryan's bed, our knees nearly touching. "I'm sorry Ryan... I shouldn't have acted like that. I took it out on you and you didn't deserve any of it. Next time I start acting up just smack me on the nose or something."

"Brendon..."

"Hm?" I look into the eyes of a boy who is gazing at me in wonder.

"You came all the way to my house just to apologize to me?" Ryan quietly asks, eyes falling to his hands. I shrug and slip my fingers in between his.

"Of course I did... I was an ass. I-" I was cut off by a pair of soft lips over mine. He holds me there for too short of a time and we part to breathe.

"I forgive you. No one has ever done anything so nice for me."

"I care about you Ryan." I gesture for him to sit on the bed next to me and wrap my arm around his waist. "I met your sister."

Ryan sighs audibly and rolls his eyes. "Cecilia can be a bit much sometimes."

"Yeah, but she's sweet." I drop my head onto his shoulder and kiss the exposed skin. "So now all I have left to meet is your mom." I feel Ryan tense under my touch but I don't resister it. "Is she at work?"

"No.. She's not."

"Well then where is she? I'd love to meet the woman who gave life to you."

"That's not going to happen." Ryan says, arms folding around himself. He looks at the window and I watch a single tear roll down his cheek.

"Ryan... What happened?"