All We Were

We're Broken

        Caleb had rushed that day, trying to play calm for her. Only her. Inside he had been a wreck. How could it be time yet? It wasn't time, was it? Was it safe for her little girl? Sprig had fought to hard to grow their daughter, and look what had happen. Because of him, and anyone who said otherwise could go up the river somewhere. This was his doing, if only he had been more helpful, if only he had done more...if only he had told Sprig they couldn't be intimate. 

He hadn't and this is where they were. Here, wearing protective scrubs, only able to see their tube and IV filled daughter in an incubator. Taryn's birth had been a quick and chaotic birth. By the time they'd gotten to the hospital, Sprig had progressed too far to stop the labor this time. He'd never forget it, forget Sprig's cries for help, for pain relief. Sprig had only needed to push a few times and he sat there, mesmerized by what her body was capable as their tiny daughter descended into this earth. It was one of the Once in a lifetime moments, one you could never get back so you shouldn't miss it. 

Only, Taryn hadn't cried, and she wasn't really responsive, he'd barely got to look at her precious face before they swiftly carried her tiny body away, calling out things he had no idea what they were. The doctor assured them that after this hiccup, that she would be okay. That they would get to see her again soon. Hours ticked by and he couldn't- didn't know how to comfort Sprig. 

He laughed at himself, one of the loves of his life was fighting for hers, and the other was so distraught he didn't know how to reach her, and here he was, frightened like a fucking dipshit. They were all broken and he didn't have the answers. Again. He was pulled to earlier in the year when he'd found himself in this same hospital, praying for God to save them for him. Now he was doing it again. 

Several more hours passed before a doctor came in and spoke to them. They had managed to get Taryn stable, but because she was born premature, her lungs hadn't had enough time to fully develop and they needed to keep her longer, until she could breathe on her own. This news was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, Taryn seemed to be doing well on the ventilators but she wasn't out of the woods yet, there were certain complications involved in being born premature. 

They'd spent most of Sprig's admission time in the NICU with Taryn, but after two days, Sprig's doctor cleared her to be discharged. This meant that they would have to go home without their daughter when visiting hours were over. A new round of fears coursed through Caleb's brain. What if something happened while they were away? Would he be able to sleep, know that Taryn was so far away from them? 

Although Taryn seemed to be progressing and there wasn't anymore news (which he considered to be good news), Sprig had closed off. She hadn't spoken many words to him and he'd noticed not only her physical state but her emotional state as well. She hadn't slept much, maybe four hours in total? Dark circles sat just under her gorgeous hazel eyes. She hadn't ate much either, just whatever he'd forced her to eat, so she was losing weight quickly. 

How could he help her? What would bring her out to him? He missed her. He didn't want to push her, fearing that would just draw her into herself further. He tried to get her to smile, to do anything but mostly she half-heartedly smiled and though her honey eyes gazed at him, it was almost as if she were looking straight through him. 

Their first night home had been a disaster. Sprig locked herself in their room, refusing to come out, refusing to eat. She just kept asking that he leave her alone. Outside, he remained calm but inside? Everything was breaking inside. The pain so immense that he felt that at any given moment, his heart would burst right in his chest, a violent bloody mess. 

He tried texting her sisters but the were currently unavailable, not that he done much talking to them. Just the few messages planning the babyshower, just the few times he'd tried to be a good guy for her. He called Melody and while she had calmed him down, her only advice was to let Sprig be and let her bring herself out of the hole she was hiding in. It hadn't been what he wanted to hear. 

He tried to anyway, he cleaned, he worked on paperwork from both his construction company and Sprig's store. He texted a few friends to let them know about Taryn, receiving congratulatory texts almost immediately.  He had never felt so hollow. 

He sat in the kitchen, silently crying and asking that she eventually forgive him for how much of an ass, a selfish prick he had been. He had done this. He had caused all of the events leading up to Taryn's birth and it was taking everything in him not to take off running. For her. For them. 

He cried for not being man enough to handle everything for them, for time lost and for things that had happened so long ago. Sprig may have been finding herself, in there all alone but Caleb was slowly losing himself out here alone. 

He shot up, suddenly angry and marched down the hall to their room. He reached up to pound on the door but paused. He could hear her crying in there. Her agonizing screams muffled by what he thought was a pillow. It hit him hard. It scared him. He took off walking back towards the kitchen, pausing, unsure of what he should do. Those cries. 

"Fuck it, if she hates me she hates me, but she's not going to be broken alone. Not anymore." And with that he marched back to the door and knocked loudly. 

"Go away," Sprig sniffed. Trying to hide her tears. 

"No. I'm not going away Sprig, open the door or I'll bust it down. I don't want you to hide from me," he shouted. 

No response from her end, not even a sound. 

"Sprig, I'm not lying. I really will kick the door down. Please just hear me out. I can't stand out here helpless, while you sit in there and cry," He leaned his head against the door, tears threatening to start, "I know you're crying. I can hear your muffled screams, please just let me in, let me explain, let me love-" He could finish, he tried to choke out the rest but it just wasn't happening and now he was crying again. 

Seconds later, he heard the soft click of the lock being released. She opened the door and flung herself into his arms.