The Purge (Brendon Urie)

Chapter 8: There's A Hole In My Soul

Song Of The Chapter: Flaws, Bastille

Brendon

Her funeral was beautiful. Everybody cried, because she was just that type of person. She was so wonderful and bright and majestic that you just had to love her, and you just had to cry.

She never got to live her dreams, or become the dancing queen, but nothing's ever what it seems until one day it is. She didn't want us to cry, but we didn't want her to die, and to this day I blame myself for something else.

I just stay in my room now, thinking about everything we've ever done. When I remember something, I write it down.

There was a hole is my soul, and she filled it, but now it's back.

My entire chest throbbed. Sobs would break me out of the few hours of my sleep. I would wake up in cold sweats, my dreams would be visions of Emmy's lifeless body, being taken away from me.

Knocks on my door would be the only thing to pull me out of my thoughts, but they would always go unanswered. It would always be Pete or Patrick.

I listened to music, and wrote music. I sobbed and thought mostly though. I was the shell of my former self.

I felt completely empty constantly, and everybody else was moving on with their lives. I hated them because I thought they forget about Emmy, but really, I was the one who forgot.

I forgot what Emmy would've wanted. She wouldn't have wanted me to sob and stop living life.

Soon enough, I got news that Pete was starting a record company, because Fall Out Boy had become really popular. I called him up, and asked him if I could send him Panic!'s demo, from before Emmy passed away.

He loved it, and signed us, and the rest, is history.