Ride or Die {Book 1} ✔️

Chapter 12: SPECIAL CHAPTER.

She's doing it for you, idiot. I'm not an idiot. But after what James had did to the other girl, I tried so hard to keep everyone at a distance. No matter how good I did my job for him, he always ended up taking who I cared about away from me. So, I stopped caring about anything. I stopped feeling emotions.

But earlier today, when we all had stayed at the MC Club. Kylie's bright grey eyes, they seemed to have some sort of energy about them. They pulled on my soul, almost calling for me. And when she grinned or smiled at me, I had the urge to return it. But I couldn't and I wouldn't. Because if I started to, James would notice and he'll take her away from me. Though, I was starting to lose my grip, my emotionless mask was starting to break.

I hopped into my mom's sliver car and started it up. My mind flashed back to the time I had first met her. We'd bumped into each other at McDonald's. That day, I was still me, still had a grip of things. Her hair was long and messy then too. A whole bunch of curls that stuck out all over the place and she wore a black cap. But as soon as she lifted her head and made eye contact, something sparked inside of me. However, I couldn't let the feeling overwhelm me and plus she didn't seem interested at all.

Then, I met her again. Her hair was changed until it made her look like a completely different person. Dark and mysterious. Her eyes were still that light grey that pulled on mines. I knew her pale skin from before and the sound of her voice made me want to smile and talk back.

When James had hurt her like that, it made me furious. But to keep her at a distance, I made sure to act like I didn't care. But I couldn't help myself from trying to do something for her so I wrapped up her head injury.

Once James had left, it was like she could read my mind. She saw things in my eyes that other people couldn't. She instantly knew I used to skateboard and confronted me about it. But unlike other girls, she didn't push me to tell her my life story.

Instead she just dropped the subject and looked at me for who I am today, not yesterday. She brightened up my whole insides at times. She amazed me when she started skateboarding, I couldn't take my eyes off how happy and excited she was.

However, once I let her get on my back, I almost lost complete control of myself. Her warm breath on my neck and the warmth from her body made me feel like I wasn't slowly dying each and everyday like I usually felt like. I slowed down to a stoplight as more thoughts flooded me. I remember when I heard her painful screaming filling the hallway as I was running to class. Instantly, I could fill the anger boiling through me on that day, like it was happening right now.

I jumped on the expressway, trying to concentrate on driving but my mind going else where. When I saw Dalton doing to that, I wanted to kill him, how her eyes were filled with so much pain. Earlier today, her eyes weren't light grey, they were a vivid and bright blue. Her voice trembled when she spoke but her words were filled with confidence and a strong feel to them. She had looked so helpless and weak, so vulnerable, it made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't help apologizing to her, trying to confront her in some way. I rushed her to the nurse, scared and frightened and I wasn't even in her position.

I knew I acted like a jerk all the time to her, but it was for her own good. I needed Kylie to stay away from me, no matter how much I wanted to be there for her. Or the days in the boy's bathroom would become something that happened daily and I couldn't protect her without making matters worst. I wouldn't make matters worst, not for her.

My mind went back to the what happened at MC Club, how she kept an arm around her stomach. It made me feel terrible, just knowing that she in pain even when she sat down.

I watched her out the corner of my eyes, listening to her voice change from sarcastic to anger and then to cold. I was so focused on her that I almost forgot that other people where in the room. Just looking at her made my worries go away. I sounded cheesy as hell, but I didn't care. But I couldn't let my mask slip, until it did.

She burped, louder than I've heard a girl burp. And she didn't even seem bothered that people looked at her funny because she was just that, a girl.

And my body reacted on it's own, challenging her to a burping competition. She made my internal voice laugh and talk like I knew I would never talk out loud. But soon, I realized that I was slipping, losing my grip again. Then something strange happened.

When all had piled back into the car, she looked exhausted and excited. But as time passed along, she suddenly stiffened and her eyes widened. Slowly, the color drained completely from her face and I noticed that she had pressed a shaking hand against her forehead.

A few seconds later, she returned to back to her usual self, a forced neutral look on her face. And then the color left from her face again and I knew something was wrong. As soon as we pulled up to her house, she wouldn't even move, just staring at the house with a haunted look on her face. When I opened the car door for her, she grabbed her skateboard and nearly raced for the front door. My body took over and I followed her up the steps and blocked off the front door.

My mind flashed an image of the look on her pale face. Her eyes were wide and a faraway look was in them. Kylie was eager to go back inside, her voice strangely flat yet cold. Then she had pointed out a good fact. She didn't have to tell me any of her business since I never told her mines. And she made me realize that I wasn't myself. I slipped back on my mask and walked away. I couldn't get too close to her, I couldn't feel anything for her. I just couldn't. But now, Dexter was pushing me to, making me have doubts about my mask. He understood the dangers she'll be in, dealing with me, and yet he wanted me to be there for her.

I pulled up in front of the restaurant and took a deep breath. A little bit of anger was swirling around in my stomach.

James.