Tevun-Krus #27 - FanFic SF

Smith & Jones Act II Scene IV - A FanFic Frolic

Smith and Jones

(A Fanfic Frolic)

"Well that was a bit weird," said Smith, not meeting anyone's eyes. "That wasn't the real me, of course. Haha."

He turned to give Jones a quelling look, daring him to disagree, but Jones was having his own issues with deniable plausibility. "That wasn't me, either!" he protested. "That was an alternate universe Jones. And a very undignified one at that, I don't know who comes up with these ideas... but he's no gentleman, sir, of that I'm certain!"

"You're right. We should insist on a full apology from the management!" demanded Smith, shaking his fist.

"Let's just shoot the bastard responsible," said Kris, surreptitiously brushing her knees. "I'm not that kind of girl... er, woman. As if I'd ever be on the bottom for anyone!"

"Excuse me," interrupted H'ver. "That's all very well, but where are we now? Does anyone know? It looks to me like some sort of very old fashioned space ship."

"And who the devil is Buffy?" asked Smith, staring at Jones' chest. "And why should she be president?"

"I have no idea, my good chap," replied Jones. "But your shirt is advertising someone called Xena."

Each man looked down at the rather garish tee-shirt they were wearing.

"Hang on, my shirt says 'Xena Rules' too!" declared Kris.

Even as she spoke, two people came around the corner. One, with strange pointed ears, was dressed in a long sleeved blue top over black trousers and boots and the black skinned woman beside him was wearing an extremely short red dress over clinging tights.

Both strangers reached for their weapons.

"Intruder alert!"

"Phasers on stun, Lieutenant Uhuru!" The man aimed his weapon at the trio. "How did you people come aboard the Enterprise?"

"Er... the bright light brought us here..." stammered Jones, still unnerved by their last experience. Were they going to get shot in this episode?

"That sounds most illogical. Check them for weapons, Lieutenant, and then we'll escort them to the bridge. Captain Kirk will want to interrogate these three himself. Particularly the young lady."

"Yes, sir."

However, before she could do more than run a scanner over them, there was a loud grinding noise and a blue police box appeared suddenly in the corridor.

The door opened and a head poked out. "Decopunktus Nine?" asked a hopeful voice. A long multicoloured scarf dangled on the floor.

"This is the Enterprise, sir," stated Spock in severe tones. "Our mission is to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go . Who are you and what are you doing here?"

Meanwhile, Smith, Jones and Kris took advantage of the new arrival and began to back slowly away. Whoever these weirdoes were, they wanted no part of either of them.

But before H'ver could follow them, a small metal creature, which looked a bit like a dog, motored out of the police box and headed straight for H'ver, its tail-like obtrusion wagging furiously.

"K-9? Get back inside!" said the man with the scarf.

Ignoring him, K-9 touched noses with a startled H'ver, then whipped around behind to sniff his back panel.

"Stop that!" cried H'ver indignantly. "What's it doing now?"

"Um, I think he's trying to hump you. So sorry!" apologised the Doctor. He looked around one more time. "Well, if this isn't Decopunktus Nine, we'd better be off. Come on K-9." He took a whistle from his pocket and blew it.

Giving a last reluctant sniff, K-9 hurried after his master, back inside the police box. The door shut, there was a loud grinding noise and the police box vanished.

"Live long and prosper, Doctor," murmured the man with pointed ears, looking at the empty space. He turned to Smith, Jones and Kris who had almost—but not quite—disappeared around a corner.

"Come on you four, time to get this fan-fiction back on track! The ship is currently orbiting a rather interesting planet known as Janus IV. I'd like to beam you down to the surface and—"

The sound of harmonious singing broke into Spock's speech as five long-haired young men appeared in the passage behind him.

"Fan fiction? Did someone say fan-fiction? You can't have a fan-fiction without us!"

Smith, Jones and even Kris, started to scream... just as the blinding white light...