The Damned and the Dead

Chapter Thirty~Six

     "You don't have to say it, Anna, because I know." He placed a kiss to the top of my head while he held me in his arms underneath the torrent of water. "I know."
    It was in that moment, with Dredd shielding my silently sobbing body in his arms to protect me from whatever harsh reality or threat that lay beyond that shower door, that I knew love was real. My mother had loved me. She loved me so much that she sacrificed herself to make sure I was safe. That was love.
    This man holding me in his massive arms right now, that was something just starting out. That was the beginning of something scary, yet wonderful at the same time.   

✞Anna✞

    When we're young and innocent, even the most anti-love/ show-your-feelings kind of people dream of meeting their prince charming. You know that guy we always dream about who will run into you by chance and fall head over heels in love with you? When we're young and innocent, we dream of meeting that perfect guy and having that fairytale wedding.
    When we grow up, when reality and society f*cks us all up and strips away are innocence, do we realize that there is no such thing as a perfect life or happy ending. You take what you can get even if it's a young boy covered in tattoos whose soul ambition is to f*ck shit up.
    The f*cking moron I gave my virginity to and the couple others I messed around with after him were far from being anywhere close to a charming prince. This guy holding my naked body in his arms right now as I cried like a little bitch, he wasn't Prince Charming either. However, he wasn't as bad as some of the other d!cks I've been around. Dredd wasn't as bad as he walked around portraying himself as. He wasn't a complete, emotionless beast.
    Somehow, since I've been held prisoner here in my father's MC, I'd grown feelings for this beastly man. He walks around with this emotionless bad boy facade and caveman-like tendencies all the time, but right now with him holding me like this, I knew there was so much more to him.
    I felt myself growing a strong urge, a yearning, to find out about this mysterious right-hand-man of my father's. Call me nosey, but I wanted to find out what made this man tick. I wanted to know who he was and where he came from, who his family was...if he had one.
    He was so mysterious, so...Dredd. This man was indescribable and I wanted to find out just who he was. I needed to stick around to do that and that fact made things even more complicated because I did not want to stay around here.
    I lifted my head up ever so slightly with my eyes still being closed and trailed the tip of my nose up the middle of his water caressed chest. My lips parted and moved up his chest feeling the droplets of water that had clung to his chest dampen my lips. I felt myself giving into it, whatever it was. I had succumbed to my most horrible and dreaded fear...weakness. This man had weakened me, he had broken down my barriers as well as the cage that I had roughly forged around my heart. He had broken me and revealed my weakened heart leaving it at his mercy. I was completely vulnerable to him now and that f.ucking terrified me.
    "I'm in love with you, Anna," Dredd spoke those damned words again that would surely tear me apart once again. His hand wound its way into my hair as he continued to hold my body flush against his in a protective cocoon of muscle and tattoos. I felt warm and protected in his arms. I felt as if no physical or emotional harm could ever reach me there. In his arms, I felt at home.
    "I don't--I don't know what to do,"I murmered against the skin of his chest feeling uneasy and unsure about all of the suffocating emotions brewing inside of me.
    "You don't have to do anything, Anna," Dredd murmered. "Just feel, just give in." I didn't want to admit it because I would sound like a baby, but I was freaking out. I made a sound in the back of my throat along the lines of a sharp intake of breath and a whimper and immediately felt embarrassed and ashamed that someone was seeing me fall apart like this. I was ashamed he was seeing me lile this. Weak...broken...vulnerable...
    I f.ucking hated the sticky shame that fell from my eyes and mixed in with the water droplets of my face. I hated how my mother's face, her smile, that beautiful laugh where she used to throw back her head were all playing in my mind at the wrong damn moment.
    Dredd had broken me down, he had dissected my heart and all the emotions I had kept in there were now running rampant causing all kinds of chaos. He seemed to be handling my little breakdown well, despite myself clinging to him as if he were my only life line left. Maybe he was, maybe this beast of a man was what I needed. Maybe this was what we both needed. Maybe--maybe we were meant to mend each other.
    We're both part of the less desirable and pleasant side of society. We're both dangerous, explosive individuals. I guess you could say we were both condemned by our own faults. We were both damned the moment the world decided we weren't supposed to get a happy, loving life.
    Since my mother was murdered, I've never felt so vulnerable and weakened. I've never felt as helpless as I did now. It was easy when I was alone wandering the streets or running around being a little shithead because no one knew my backstory and I sure as hell didn't tell anyone. No one knew and that gave me the upper hand. Knowing that gave me just enough confidence to be who I needed to be to survive. I guess that's what made me become my own walking prison.
    There never was a key to everything I forced to remain locked inside of me. I guess there didn't even need to be one because Dredd smashed the cage I'd put everything in with his bare hands. Some part of me was willing to let him do it just like some part of me now was believing he did mean his words, believed he loved me.
    The other part was hoping and praying that he did mean it because I'd probably just crumple and die if he didn't mean he loved me. I don't think I could take another hard blow after feeling this exposed and vulnerable. I didn't think I could make it if he left me too.
    Those thoughts and feelings kept churning around in my head and started turning long-rusted gears and switches that I'd shut off a long time ago to shut down my emotions. Dredd had started them again and he was at the center of it all.
     One hard realization slammed into me: I didn't want Dredd to leave me. I didn't want him to look at me like I was his everything then turn his back without so much as a second glance in my direction. What shook me the most was knowing that I didn't want to leave him.
    "Dredd," I spoke into his chest where I was currently trying to hide my tears and stifle my whimpering.
    "Darlin'," he spoke gently, yet in a coaxing manner that made me want to stay like this with him forever.
    "I-I think you made me like you," I admitted and felt heat creep up my neck when I confessed how I felt about him. The word 'love' kept being thrown in my head, but I ignored it feeling myself unable to say such a thing at the moment. I felt his chest rumble faintly with a silent chuckle.
    "Well, I guess that's alright for now," his hand caressed the back of my head smoothing down my damp hair. As we stood in the shower like that, I understood why animals liked that simple sign of affection so much. It was people's way of telling them they loved them. Of course, it feeling f.ucking amazing was a big part also.

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~Mia