Fix me (COMPLETED) #Wattys2016

Chapter Two

The last time i actually slept through the night and had a good dream was before graduation night. The day everyone usually remembers as one of the happiest days of their lives. But no, not me. That day may have started as happy but it ended with me being robbed of happiness.

The nightmares are a perfectly detailed replay of the events that occurred that night.  As much as i want to forget about my past and cover my scars, they still follow me everywhere i go. Like a dog with a leash.

I stand up in a rush and walk into the bathroom. I bend forward over the toilet seat and empty the contents of my stomach. I retch miserably a few more times and then I strip out off my clothes hurriedly and jump into the shower. I turn on the water stream to a scalding hot temperature. I immediately fall down to my knees and cry. I cry for the unfairness of this world. I cry for my misery and pain. I cry for my daughter and how she was conceived. I want nothing but the best for her but how can i give her that when i am the worst mother in the world.

I am trash. I am used. I cant be fixed.

I rock myself to numbness under the hot scalding water.

My skin is red from all the scrubbing and washing I've done. No matter how hard i try, the feeling of being dirty remains.

I hear faint crying coming from the bedroom and thats all i need to wake up from this misery. Its like ice cold water being splashed on my face. What am i doing? STOP PITYING YOURSELF LAYLA. Get up, be strong, its a new day. Its a new start.

I finish up in the bathroom quickly and make my way to my angel.

I gaze at her face, and feel a tiny amount of pain slip away. Thank you god for blessing me with Melak.

I dress her up for the day in the lilac baby onesie, and then return her to the crib to play while i go and pray.

Some may say that i dont seem religious. But i am a strong believer. I put my trust in God and believe that everything happens for a reason. We go through trials, tests and difficult circumstances. But its ALL a big test. Everyone wants to ace a test, and in order to ace God's test, then the solution is to believe.

I also believe that god doesn't give us more than we can handle. What happens to us is bound to happen, nothing comes easily but the outcome will be invaluable after a long time of hardships. Patience is the key, i remind myself.

My clothes are modest, and i try to cover up most of my body. I dont wear a hijab to cover up my hair, i know thats its an obligation. I try to drive attention away from me, no one even bothers to look at me lately so i guess that is a bonus. I am not a perfect muslim. But one day inshallah.

I pick Melak up and cuddle into her. This is my favorite position. My nose buried in her neck, while her hands make knots in my hair. Her fresh baby scent is home for me.  She suddenly puts her chubby hands on either side of my face and plants a drool filled sloppy kiss on my cheek. I chuckle and kiss her back.

Melak continues blabbering some nonsense, having a one sideded conversation with her "abbit". I just shake my head, smiling to myself and take us downstairs

***

The first thing i see when i enter the living room, is teta clutching her abdomen in pain and whispering something incoherent. I run to her side, panic mode already taking over.

The pain is evident on teta's eyes, so i quickly decide that the hospital is the answer. Im no doctor, i have no idea what to do. I feel so scared... what if something..No. NO. i wont think like that. Have faith Layla.

***

I drive us to the hospital and and everything feels like a blur i dont know how it happened but i am currently sitting in the hospital room with Melak napping soundly in my arms while waiting for teta to return from taking a CT scan and some multiple blood tests.

The door to her room creaks loudly, i turn my head in the doors direction and stand up immediately, anticipating some good news, or at least not very bad.

A handsome young man walks into the room holding a clipboard in one hand, while the other hand is twirling a pen between his fingers. He looked so focused, if that crease between his brows was any indication. I dont think he noticed anyone being in the room.

I make a coughing sound to make my presence known. The doctor abruptly turns his head in my direction and..

A gasp escapes my mouth and all rational thoughts leave my mind.

"Adam... i mean.. um.. Dr. Adam Hayek?..." i whisper.

*************

I FINALLY UPDATED A NEW CHAPTER! im late i knowwwww, school got me so busy, im sorry.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know its a bit boring, but all inspiration escaped my mind.

What should i include in my next chapter? Some drama between the main characters, or some flashbacks from Adam and Layla's past? Tell me what you guys think, or if you have any other suggestions.

(In my previous chapter i wrote that Adam has a man bun, i just wanted to know if you guys think i should keep that description or change it.)

Give me feedback please!

Vote, comment and share xxx

Rania, x