Enigma || jerrie ✔︎

part 34 - words

DEDICATED TO ADIDASThirlwall FOR THIS AWESOME IDEA. YOU GO, GIRL 

Jade was nestled comfortably under the covers before a soft knock on her bedroom door made her groan and sit up. She'd thrown up three times already, thanks to the amount of Diet coke she'd guzzled down at the movies. Plus the buttered popcorn. And the chocolate bars. And half of the hot dog Perrie had ordered. Oh, and mustard on top of it all.

"Dani?" The grey-haired girl blinked once, twice, trying to adjust to the light that was filtering in through the crack in the door.

"Hey, Jade."

Silence.

"You want something?" Jade slumped back in her bed again. Dani and Jade hadn't really exchanged words since their last spat, and it felt so weird that they weren't having movie nights or pigging out on pizza anymore. Jade wouldn't have admitted it, but she missed those times with Danielle.

"No, I just wanted to talk."

I just want to talk. Those words were the words that Jade dreaded the most. Something bad would happen every time when someone wanted to "talk" to her. Jade was about to refuse Danielle and go back to sleep before something in Danielle's hand caught her eye.

It wasn't normally something that was eye-catching. Instead it was just a tattered notebook that had several pages falling out of it with a cover that was peeling off. Jade wondered why the fuck Dani was bringing her diary because it sure wasn't any of her fucking business.

"So, talk." Jade crossed her arms and eyed Danielle as the taller brunette crossed over to her bed and sat down gingerly.

"I-um, I know you're quite hostile towards me, but I-I just want you to know that I want the best for you," Dani started, biting down on her lip. "And, I will still love you no matter what. You will always be more than a friend to me."

"I-I," Jade gulped, suddenly feeling like a huge bitch. She shouldn't be treating Danielle this way. At least Perrie was still nice to Jade. But, Jade was being a bitch to Dani and that wasn't fair. "It's fine, Dani. I'm just really....really tired and exhausted at this moment so excuse me if I'm not in my best mood lately."

"I-It's fine."

Silence, once again, before Jade broke it. "So that's all you wanted to talk about?" Her voice betrayed a lack of patience that made Danielle's heart lurch in her chest.

"I know you hate going to the therapist, and I talked to her a bit...she said that it would be beneficial for you to, like, write stuff down instead of cutting, as a release."

"So you still think I'm crazy." Instead of slight impatience, Jade's voice was now devoid of any emotion as she stared at Danielle.

"I-I don't, Jade," Danielle stuttered out, but the lie died on her lips when the other girl leveled her stare at Dani. "I've tried to get you help, but you've always refused, that's all. I just want you to be okay again."

"And I'm going to be okay," Jade repeated. She sighed out and climbed out of her bed, her blankets falling to the floor. Her T-shirt fell past her knees, making her seem tiny as she looked up at Danielle, and she took the notebook from Dani with shaking hands.

"Thanks." Her voice was soft. Barely audible.

"You're welcome," Danielle replied hesitantly. Before Jade could do anything else, Dani slipped from the room, leaving Jade staring at the tattered notebook in her hands.

The door closed, leaving Jade standing there alone in the darkness. The grey-haired girl inched forward and flicked on the light. Several pages of the notebook scattered out at the same time.

Oh well, Jade thought while climbing back onto her bed. Might as well give this a shot.

And she started to write.

....

10 REASONS WHY I SHOULD BE HAPPY

- I'm in one of the biggest girl groups in the world

- I've found success

- I can have anything I want or need

- I have money

- I can

Panting in frustration, Jade threw her pen over her shoulder and swiped a hand over her eyes. Scribbling her pen over the yellowed pages of the notebook only made her realise how empty her life was. It did not help at all.

10 REASONS WHY I AM DEPRESSED

- I cannot think of 10 reasons to be happy.

- I feel numb

- I am forgotten

- I do not like myself.

- Perrie does not like me.

- No one likes

Jade growled and ripped the page off the notebook. It only reminded herself of how desperate she was. The stupid idea Danielle had did nothing to help her out at all. So she tossed the notebook at the wall, flopped over, and tried to fall asleep without bothering to turn off the light. 

I am fricking sorry for not updating for so long but I've been really busy so...yeah