dear jimin | pjm

十

1 september 2015

dear jimin,

i admit. i was crushed and i have been feeling so fucking pissed for the past few days. that was why you haven't heard from me since.

honestly speaking, i have been thinking over and over again whether or not should i continue writing to you lately. because you have no idea how much that scene had been affecting me. i just can't.

"oh my god, haeri?!", i could still remember how surprised you had looked on that day when i walked in on you at the changing room.

you had your lips pursed together once you saw me enter, frowning at the gym guy who was sitting right next to you. immediately, i shot you the 'haven't i warned you about him?' look but you dropped your gaze onto the ground. seconds later, although you seemed like you have a lot to say, you chose not to speak up. instead, you let those boys bully me.

shorty, ugly, trash, etc. all sorts of names they then came up with to use on me, but i let those pass. because, what mattered the most to me right then was to bring you along with me to find donghyun and myungsoo for the track event. and so, i grabbed onto your wrist and attempted to pull you out,

"hurry up, we gotta go before it's too late", i said to you but it was then, those group of boys stood up and started barricading us from the exit.

one of them who was wearing the bandana was literally growling at me while the rest, they all had their arms folded across their chest as they waited for the gym guy to speak. i was utterly speechless by their act but holding on to you, i didn't want to lose to them. the gym guy eventually saw how protective i was getting over you and i guess that was why he decided to play me in the end. with a flick of his head, i saw that he was eyeing on you before then, he blurted out,

"yah park jimin, tell her whose team you are on now. hairy or bangtan?"

i flinched at his words and right then, i could also feel the uneasiness in you as cold sweat from your palm seeped into my skin. i felt you struggling to loosen your grip on me but i held on even tighter. i was so afraid that what the gym guy had said to me earlier on was the truth and i wanted to give you a chance to prove yourself wrong. yet, you blew me off with your answer right after.

"bangtan", you had said it so adamantly without even avoiding my gaze on you. i wanted to laugh so badly at that moment. because, don't you remember jimin? two weeks ago, you were still telling me this,

"i'll put the gold medal around your neck when i'm done, so be sure to see the manly strength of mine,"

sadly to say, it all ended up with just you on that podium. yeah, congratulations on taking the first place with bangtan for the track event. i hope that you are happy now as our team eventually got disqualified due to a lack of member and you had one less opponent to take care of in the end.

i hate you now, jimin. so stop trying to contact me. i won't be picking up your calls nor returning your texts anymore. i really hate you and i regretted believing in you. fyi, this may even be my last letter to you.

haeri