dear jimin | pjm

八

22 august 2015 pt.2

dear jimin,

thanks for coming to me eventually. i was surprised that you managed to see my letter in the end and i'm really glad that you turned up.

it was a night that was raining cats and dogs while i was stuck alone in the basketball court. as i have mentioned before, there were a lot of things which have been bothering me lately and hence, i needed some inner peace myself. initially, i was shivering in the cold, teeth chattering while i waited for the rain to stop for me to go home, but there you soon came, showing up with an umbrella. walking all the way to my side, you knelt down next to me and brought my face into your hands when you saw me sitting with my knees tucked in, close to my chest. forcing me to look up at you, you gave me a warm smile. then, opening wide your arms, you invited me into your embrace. you held me tight, caressed my hair and wept my tears off from my face. this moment lasted for a while but when i had a closer look at your face despite my tear-stained eyes soon after, those fresh bruises and abrasions of yours that showed under the light frightened and worried the shit out of me.

almost instantly, i backed away from you and asked you what had happened. but all you explained to me was that you had slipped and fell on your way here - which i fail to believe till now. you told me that everything's under control and there's no need for me to worry but hell, how could i not?

that was why i led you to the sick bay eventually. i eyed for the first aid kit at the topmost corner of the cupboard once we entered but being a shorty, my arms were too short for it. hence, you decided to help me. pressing your body against mine, you brought the kit down swiftly with little effort. i turned around once you got it down but you almost had my heart stopped beating after which. my eyes widened when i realized how our faces were just a few inches away from each other's; i could even feel our breaths mingling. your plump lips were leveled with my eyes and subconsciously, i licked my lips. you chuckled at my reaction and my face immediately flushed pink. but then, wanting to avoid the awkward moment after, you drew back and gestured for me to clean up your wounds instead.

"yah, ppalli juseyo", you said to me while pointing at your face and so, i got the cotton buds quickly and attended to you.

as gently as possible, i applied the antiseptic cream on your wounds, but recalling how you winced in pain and bit into your bottom lip during the process, my heart ached. drawing back, i told you that it was alright if you want to scream and cry in front of me 'cos i wouldn't tell, but you took me by surprise later on. you grabbed my arm all of sudden and pulled me to sit on your lap. then, whispering into my ear in a husky voice, you told me,

"hey, i'm a man alright? at least.. i want you to see me as one..."

your words made my heart flutter and i could feel butterflies in my stomach when

"park haeri?", you called me again.

i was stunned at first but soon, nodding my head to acknowledge your call, i stared back at you and waited for you to continue on with your words. taking a glance at the ground before looking back at me, you breathed out,

"i'm sorry. i will be sorry,"

and for the entire journey back home, you remained silent. but even so, you had your hands entwined with mine. you walked me all the way to the front of my porch, watched me enter and waited for the lights to my bedroom to go off before you finally left. all the while, i was actually hiding behind the curtains, watching you and i couldn't help but to notice you dropping your head onto the ground and slumping your shoulder as you left the place.

park jimin, there's just one thing right now that i don't get. what do you mean by you're sorry? what are you feeling sorry about? do you know that that statement of yours severely affected my sleep?

throughout the night, i kept tossing and turning around in my bed, thinking about it, but no matter how hard i thought, i still couldn't make out the reason for it. and so, this eventually caused me to jolt out of bed and have the urge to write to you.

jimin-ah, why are you shaking my heart?

with love,
hairy